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THESE LINKS ARE URCHIN TO MAKE YOU SMILE!
Happy National Chocolate Cake Day! I hope you have made appropriate celebration arrangements — I know I have!
Speaking of chocolate cake, have you ever noticed that it's the most dangerous of all cakes? True story! Black Forest cake (not that the Black Forest region of Germany is dangerous, but it certainly sounds sinister); Devil's food cake; chocolate lava cake; Death by Chocolate; Depression cake; blackout cake. Watch yourselves out there, fellow cake fiends!
There is nothing "mild" about the way chocolate makes me feel.
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On the birthday front we have several worth recognizing, so I'll be categorizing them thusly:
• Whimsical weirdos with regrettable photography interests: Deacon, poet, and children's novelist Charles Lutwidge "Lewis Carroll" Dodgson (1832).
• Fancy dancers with wandering eyes: Soviet (Latvian) ballet defector Mikhail Nikolayevich Baryshnikov (1948), who ruled pretty much every stage he set foot on in the 1970s and 1980s. He was the Wilt Chamberlain of the pointe shoe set. His performance in the 1977 production of The Nutcracker still slays, and I say that as someone who knows zilch about ballet.
• Funny humans: Comedian, actor, and writer Patton Oswalt (1969)! Patton remains one of my favorite stand-up comics ever, and if you're unfamiliar, his 2007 album Werewolves and Lollipops is a great entry point to his special brand of self-deprecating humor.
• Talented actors: Bridget Fonda (1964) and Alan Cumming (1965).
OK, OK...you've waited long enough. It's link time!
1. Why are British place names such a nightmare to pronounce? Now we know!
These enterprising lads endeavor to explain the cause of so much linguistic consternation.
2. Mokomoko is a mysterious wizard of snow sculpting. Let's all chill in awe!
Seriously, these are incredibly detailed and realistic snow sculptures of pokémon, Godzilla, and what appears to be an airbender of some sort. Don't worry, there are also cats.
3. Now let's all watch this adorable otter snuggle its kitty pal!
Look, I know that we shouldn't domesticate wild animals, but OMFG I want an otter to love on me as much as this one is loving on this cat.
4. Nothing slaps quite as hard as 1960s anti-glue sniffing propaganda cartoons.
I've never seen such an adorably maleficent tube of toxic adhesive — delightful!
Check out that swagger!
Boredwalk Community: Accountant by Day, Homebody by Night
1. What's your actual day job and what's your dream day job?
I'd like to be able to say something along the lines of the "hit" movie Angel: High School Honor Student by Day. Hollywood Hooker by Night. Alas, I'm simply Accountant by Day. Homebody by Night. My dream job would be curating art shows, maybe have a small record label that puts out groovy shite. (Ed. note: I did not know about this film franchise until just now. And yes, it IS a franchise — it has FOUR sequels! I know what's on MY to-do list next weekend...)
2. What's your biggest pet peeve?
Recording of live shows on people's cell phones. Put down the phone and get into the show! Your audio and video are gonna suck. Let it go... (Agreed! Just wait for the tour doc to hit streaming services and frame your ticket stub like a grown-ass adult.)
3. What's a life pro tip the Boredwalk community needs to know?
Do everything now. Don't wait (unless in the case of me completing these questions). If you don't do things now, you may not get the chance to do them for a while...or ever. Covid reinforces that belief.
Another is "Ask, because you'll never know. 'Yes' and 'No' both have the same number of syllables and neither has more power than the other. People are always willing to help."
4. If you could have any super power what would it be and why?
To be invisible. I collect records and would love to flip through people's collections to discover new music. (I mean, if you ask nicely enough they may let you do that fully visible...but I get the desire to be incognito while sitting in judgment of other people's taste.)
5. You can curse your nemesis with a minor annoyance for eternity; what do you choose?
Plantar Fasciitis. That sucks. A lot.
6. What experience do you most want to cross off your bucket list?
My main bucket list item was heading to Iceland. My husband and I did that for our honeymoon and it was as amazing as I thought it would be. My other big bucket list item was to go down in a cage into the water to be among great white sharks. I'm letting that one go.
7. If you drink: what's your go-to drink? If you don't drink: what's your go-to dessert or snack?
Whiskey and Coke (the soda).
8. Clear up a misconception (about your job, where you are from, some other topic you know a lot about).
One of the biggest misconceptions is that accounting people are boring. Sure, we have a lot of really boring people in our world, but ya just gotta seek out the cool ones. They do exist. (True. I've also met some pretty boring artists, too, so the pendulum swings both ways.)
9. What is a surprising fact about you?
I own over 8,000 vinyl records, and my husband and I got married by Kate Pierson of The B-52's! (Technically speaking, anyplace one gets married by Kate Pierson is a love shack.)
10. Where can the rest of the Boredwalk community find you?
On Instagram @whiskeyanddonuts.
🧀 Does this seem cheesy or...? 🕺🏾
Happy National Disc Jockey Day! Now, before you tire yourself out, turn that beat around and also raise your hands for National Cheese Lover's Day! In celebration, please enjoy this context-free GIF I found when I searched for "disco cheese" on Giphy:
Watch those hips, old timers — you only get the one set!
Today is also Inauguration Day. Do with that information what you will (as long as it involves peacefully watching at home and not attempting a violent overthrow of our flawed-but-fixable government).
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On the birthday front we have bunch that really stand out:
• First up, happy birthday to second man on the Moon Edwin Eugene "Buzz" Aldrin, Jr., born this day in 1930! Col. Aldrin has been a tireless advocate for science and space exploration his entire life, so I imagine it warms his heart to finally see the Office of Science & Technology Policy elevated to a cabinet-level rank, effective at noon today. "Ad astra per aspera" (trans: to the stars through hardships), as my high school Latin teacher Mrs. Sleeper used to say!
• Next, a very trippy and bizarre birthday to filmmaker, musician, writer, actor, and visual artist David Keith Lynch, born this day in 1946! One of the first popular Surrealist filmmakers, Lynch has built a career out of showing weird characters doing weird things. One of these days I'll make it all the way through Dune in a single sitting.
• Moving along, a very rocking birthday to Stanley Bert "Paul Stanley" Eisen, born this day in 1952! Mr. Stanley, aka The Starchild, wrote or co-wrote most of KISS's biggest hits in the 1970s and 1980s, all while in platform boots and a not-insignificant amount of pancake makeup. I hope he rock and rolls all night and parties all day today in celebration! Key tracks: 'Strutter', 'Black Diamond', 'Rock And Roll All Nite', 'Detroit Rock City', 'Shout It Out Loud', and 'Love Gun'
• Next, a happy birthday to actor, writer, producer, and aspiring beet magnate Rainn Dietrich Wilson, born this day in 1962! Mr. Wilson is probably (definitely) best known for his thrice-Emmy-nominated portrayal of terrible deskmate Dwight Schrute on NBC sitcom The Office.
• Finally, a very, very, VERY happy birthday to musician, songwriter, producer, and bandleader Ahmir Khalib "Questlove" Thompson, born this day in 1971! Mr. Thompson is the drummer and co-frontman of hip-hop group The Roots, who in addition to their usual musical activities have been performing as the in-house band for The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon since February 2014. Key Roots albums: Illadelph Halflife, Things Fall Apart, Phrenology, and Game Theory. Key Questlove-produced albums: D' Angelo's Voodoo, Slum Village's Fantastic, Vol. 2, Bilal's 1st Born Second, Common's Electric Circus, and Erykah Badu's Mama's Gun (among so many others).
Historically, it was on this day in 1971 that Marvin Gaye's classic single 'What's Going On' was released, eventually reaching number two on the Billboard Hot 100 and selling over two million copies.
It was also on this day in 1920 that the Eighteenth Amendment of the Constitution went into effect, banning the production, importation, transportation, and sale of alcohol for the ensuing 13 years until the Amendment was repealed with the ratification of the Twenty-First Amendment in 1933. Fun fact: though the 18th Amendment prohibited the production, importation, transportation, and sale of alcohol, it did not actually ban its consumption. A lot of wealthy Americans stockpiled booze in the lead up to its enactment and didn't feel its absence nearly to the degree that the middle and working classes did. Classic rich dick move!
OK, OK...you've waited long enough. It's link time!
1. YouTuber (and mortician) Caitlin Doughty rates famous corpses of the big screen!
Caitlin's 'Ask A Mortician' channel has been going strong for a decade, and she finally brings the goods regarding which famous dead bodies of the silver screen are most lifelike...err, deathlike. Realistic. Whatever. You get it.
2. My life is complete, because there is an Indian restaurant in Manchester, England called This Charming Naan with menu items named using puns related to songs by The Smiths.
Naturally, all vegan, since meat is murder. Thankfully, though, madras is not. Other culinary hits include 'Girlfriend In A Korma' and 'Heaven Knows I'm Masala Now'. *Swoon*
3. Cartoonist Tauhid Bondia's comic strip Crabgrass is great, and you should check it out!
Aesthetically and thematically, this hits the sweet spot for 90s kids.
4. Instant Karma: more than just a John Lennon hit.
H/t to Bored Panda for compiling the best excerpts from the r/instantkarma subreddit. Perfect for when you really want to see some ne'er do wells get their comeuppance!
I guess that's one way to battle quarantine boredom!