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ALL THIS TALK OF BAGGED LUNCHES AND SALADS IS MAKING ME HANGRY
Happy National Pack Your Lunch Day! And National Landline Telephone Day! And National Ranch Day!
Yeesh, what a bunch of lame lesser holidays. Some days give us genuinely fun things to celebrate, and some days we get celebrations of brown paper bags, outdated technology, and gross condiments. *shrug* Better luck next Wednesday, I guess. (If you have a crystal ball handy and know what next Wednesday's holiday is, that last sentence is pretty funny. One might even think it's...charming.)
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So many famous birthday boys/girls/persons today! They are as follows:
Musicians/Producers: Bix Beiderbecke (1903), Rick Rubin (1963), Timbaland (1972), Robin Thicke (1977), and Carrie Underwood (1983).
Actors: Sharon Stone (1958), Jasmine Guy (1962), Jon Hamm (1971), and Olivia Wilde (1984).
Martial Artists: Chuck Norris (1940).
Human/Shark Hybrids: Barbara Corcoran (1949).
OK, OK...you've waited long enough. It's link time!
1. Ooh, an ethical small business throwing shade at Amazon? Sign me up!
Peak Design spent years developing their sling satchel, only to have Amazon do what it does and rip it off using subpar materials and (let's face it) shady labor practices. This was Peak Designs' humorous takedown, and I loved every second of it!
2. Wait, there's MORE Amazon shade to be had? Lemme get some popcorn...
OK, this is VERY funny, and in no small part because 'Tristan' is played by the very funny standup comic Matt Broussard, who also came up with the idea for this video and wrote the script. Matt once showed me his pun journal after a show, and I'll be honest — before that experience I thought I was pretty creative with visual wordplay, but Matt is operating on an entirely different level. I wonder if he still has that battered old composition book...
3. J-Dog is an 88 year old grandma who is thirsty AF and not being shy about it on TikTok.
This boomin' granny is all about that post-Covid coital life. Hide your sons and fathers, fam! (Don't worry, it's safe for work.)
4. Grandpas are feeling frisky on TikTok, too!
Check out this grizzled hype beast putting all the young bucks to shame with his style game!
You haven't lived until you've seen Godzilla posterize MechaGodzilla with a dunk in a kaiju basketball game, or seen Marty McFly try to flee a leaping velociraptor.
HAPPINESS & LOLz
Happy National I Want You To Be Happy Day! (Jeez, what a mouthful!) Seriously, though — it's true. That's why I scour the internet for fun links to share with you on Wednesdays! Fleeting though it may be, here's hoping this email can be a (small) oasis to distract you from the aggravations of life.
Sure, the more cynical reader might say "if you really wanted me to be happy there'd be a 90% discount code in this email," but the Wednesday Boredwalk email isn't that kind of email.
To which the cynic might reply "if your logo is at the top of it, it's that kind of email."
To which I would say "that's a great point! What a missed opportunity this was! I'm a pretty disappointing marketer, hehehe! *sheepish self-effacing shrug* Let's move on from this embarrassing foible and eat some nonexistent birthday cake!"
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Today's famous birthday boys/girls/persons/geo-political areas are as follows:
• The great state of Florida, admitted as the 27th in the Union on this day in 1845! This is the first time I've ever really looked at it, but Florida has a pretty nice state flag. Not as cool as California's, of course, but that's because we have that sweet bear on ours. Put a manatee, gator, or panther on there and we'll talk, Florida! I'm sure the Seminole woman on the current Seal of Florida would much rather commune with the local fauna than watch the USS Oppression cruise into port.
• Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce, born this day in 1840! Chief Joseph led his tribe on a 1,170-mile "fighting retreat" against the U.S. Army in 1877 as they tried to seek political asylum in Canada following clashes with white settlers in Idaho resulting from the Nez Perce's forced relocation there. His principled leadership and the tribe's conduct during the ordeal earned them admiration from all corners, including those pursuing them, and led to Chief Joseph becoming renowned as a humanitarian and peacemaker until his passing in 1904.
• Scientist, inventor, and engineer Alexander Graham Bell, born this day in 1847! Mr. Bell is credited with inventing and patenting the first practical telephone. Yay! He is also the co-founder of the American Telephone & Telegraph Company (AT&T). Boo!
• Public radio personality Ira Jeffrey Glass, born this day in 1959! Vogue magazine once described Mr. Glass as "the aural embodiment of Sensitive Guy Who Is Friends with All the Girls™." Sounds unthreateningly dreamy!
OK, OK...you've waited long enough. It's link time!
1. Want to eat like an orc and drink like a high elf dandy? I do!
Heroes' Feast is a new Dungeons & Dragons-themed cookbook, full of recipes for things like Elven Bread, Drow Mushroom Steaks, and Trolltide Candied Apples, but I'll be honest — they had me at the gin-based Potion of Restoration.
2. LEGO is getting all grown up with these new sets!
LEGO's new Botanical Collection is designed with adults in mind, with both a floral arrangement set and a bonsai set containing pieces formed entirely of plant-based bioplastics. Seems like the ideal sort of thing for brown thumbs who still want to calm down and indulge in some plant care!
3. Cartoonist Joseph Nowak draws funny and bizarre single-panel comics!
From puns about rooster foodie slang to jokes about Helen of Troy's pet preferences, this is a treasure trove of visual humor.
4. For a brief six-episode run, Satan was a star.
Apparently in 1978 RIA — Italy's national television network — produced and aired six episodes of a variety program centered on the Dark Lord himself, Lucifer-f**king-Morningstar. Called Stryx, the show featured musical performances by disco and avant-pop star Grace Jones, Italian David Bowie analog Patty Pravo, and others, usually being carried around on plush lounges by people dressed as goblins. Netflix could be giving the people what they want — a decadent, sexually ambiguous, and Satanic version of Soul Train — yet here we are with another tranche of dowdy British period dramas. Terrible!
From the basics of photosynthesis to the explanation of geological time scales using funny dinosaur doodles, this is a great way to get kids (and cooler adults) excited about science AND art.
Boredwalk Community: Slicing Cake With Dental Floss
1. What's your actual day job and what's your dream day job?
I'm a mixed media artist with a home studio and a stay-at-home mom of a 5 year old in distance learning kindergarten, as well as a 2 year old.
I adore my kids, but my dream job would be to make artwork all day long in a massive warehouse that we get to professionally build out into an absolute dream art studio that has areas for ceramics, photography, sewing, resin, film making, painting, welding, glass work, etc., etc., so I could mix all those things together and make amazing multidisciplinary mixed media work with a community of other artists and makers.
I know it's possible. Who's in?
2. What's your biggest pet peeve?
One of my pet peeves is when people say "you're so talented" to an artist (of any kind) because 'talent' is really just a small part of the picture and doesn't speak to what it really takes to do anything well, which is a lot of dedication, hard work, and time learning one's craft.
All that being said, I do still appreciate it a lot when someone tells me I'm talented because I know that what they truly mean by it is that they love my work, and I appreciate that so much! 💜
3. What's a life pro tip the Boredwalk community needs to know?
My biggest tip is to stay curious (but responsibly watch your back), travel when you can to expose yourself to other people and cultures, and always keep some dental floss in your bag because it can be used for so many things, from sewing a patch on your jacket to slicing cake, and you never know when you may need to slice some cake!
4. If you could have any super power what would it be and why?
The ability to solve, fund, and implement every positive change our world needs right now.
And, it would be pretty cool to fly.
5. You can curse your nemesis with a minor annoyance for eternity; what do you choose?
You know that stitched line on socks that goes across your toes? I'd curse them to have a tiny bit of that stitch line lay right across the outside of their pinky toes so it rubs against the sides of their shoes forever.
It's terrible.
I know.
6. What experience do you most want to cross off your bucket list?
I'd like to travel around the world with my husband and kiddos, visiting all our friends and taking trains everywhere we can because my 5 year old is obsessed with trains so we're a train family now.
7. What is a surprising fact about you?
I'm the only redhead in my family out of my 5 siblings, my parents, 4 aunts and uncles, 8 cousins, and 23 nieces and nephews. But my grandfather and most of his brothers and sisters had red hair, and one out of my 6 great-nieces and great-nephews has red hair, too.
Also, I used to be a bike messenger in NYC and made a documentary short in 2004 about bike messenger women in NYC. It's called "Even the Girls" and you can find it on YouTube.
8. Where can the rest of the Boredwalk community find you?
Offline you can find me in my Southern California home art studio painting or stitching some artwork with my sewing machine.
You can find me online at:
Insta: @AshirasArt
Please hit me up and say hi!