January 16, 2024

I'M not crying, YOU'RE crying! 😭

IF YOU'RE NOT A BLUBBERING MESS BECAUSE OF A CAR COMMERCIAL, IS IT EVEN THE HOLIDAY SEASON?!

Happy National Gazpacho Day!

I suppose early December is a fairly fitting time to celebrate a chilled soup, but since modern gazpacho relies heavily on a distinctly summery produce β€” tomatoes, cucumbers, and avocados are fixtures in mine β€” it feels like maybe this isn't the ideal juncture at which to put it on a pedestal.

But who am I kidding; if someone offers me a bowl of gazpacho today, there's no way I'm passing that up.

Lisa Simpson made gazpacho for everyone gif

Hot, cold, lukewarm β€” if it has tomatoes in it, I'm in, Lisa.

GIF courtesy of The Simpsons / FOX

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Alright, before we get to those links, let's take note of some famous events and birthdays from December 6ths of yore. Maybe yours! If it is, happy birthday!

β€’ In 1865, Georgia ratified the 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, legally freeing American slaves

β€’ In 1884Β the Washington Monument was completed

β€’ Birthday gazpacho all around for: Songwriter Ira Gershwin (1896), actress Agnes Moorehead of Bewitched fame (1900), Canadian-American businessman Irv Robbins of Baskin-Robbins ice cream fame (1917), jazz pianist & composer Dave Brubeck of "Take Five" and "Blue Rondo Γ  la Turk" fame (1920), computer programmer and entrepreneur Craig Newmark of CraigsList fame (1952), singer-songwriter Chris Stamey of 80s power-pop luminaries the dBs (1954), English drummer & songwriter Rick Buckler of mod punk legends The Jam (1955), actor & comedian Steven Wright (1955), guitarist, songwriter, and producer Peter Buck of R.E.M. fame (1956), guitarist & songwriter Randy Rhoads of Quiet Riot and Ozzy Osbourne band fame (1956), drummer David Lovering of Pixies fame (1961), English singer-songwriter and DJ Ben Watt of Everything But The Girl (1962), filmmaker Judd Apatow (1967), and HIV/AIDS activist Ryan White (1971)

β€’ Pour one out for: Singer-songwriter & guitarist Roy Orbison of "Only the Lonely" and "Oh, Pretty Woman" fame (d. 1988) and singer-songwriter Dobie Gray of "Drift Away" fame (d. 2011)

Now on to the amusing links!

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1. πŸ’ If it's the holidays, it's time for a lot of "he went to Jareth's!" commercials

Screw Jared β€” people who want to REALLY express romantic emotion via fancy rocks get their baubles from Jareth!

For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.

2. πŸ’‰ Worried about pox and/or plague? Get thee to the apothecary!

Renaissance person Colleen McCandless (briefly) takes modern medicine back to the actual Renaissance.

3. 😭 What is this salty discharge?!

Yeah, this Chevy commercial is emotionally manipulative AF, but even my cynical @$$ started bawling 30 seconds in and didn't stop for the next five minutes.

4. 🀨 Ew, literacy? Sounds like witchcraft.

Comedian Missy Chanpaibool reimagines pilgrim women as pick-me girls. Jedediah doesn't know what he's getting himself into!

5. πŸŽ™οΈ Sounds like somebody shoulda gone to Jareth's!

Boredwalk's alpha female podcast is back, and they have a bone to pick with men who don't put out on the first date!*

*And by "put out" we mean "complete minor home repairs."

She bought you dinner, pal, so stop playing coy and get on your knees β€” that shower drain isn't going to unclog itself!

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OK! We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...

Peace, love, and gazpacho,

Matt

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