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Happy National Hot Chocolate Day! And if you're of the opinion that candy is dandy but liquor is quicker, Happy Brandy Alexander Day!

Fun fact: the Brandy Alexander was John Lennon's favorite tipple, and his carousing pal Harry Nilsson is who introduced them to him!

It is also Eat Your Brussels Sprouts Day, if that interests you, I guess.

Before we get to today's sweet link roundup, let's acknowledge some notable events and birthdays from January 31sts of yore! If today happens to be YOUR birthday, I hope it is a happy one full of chocolatey delights! (Unless you are allergic, in which case I hope it is full of some OTHER, secret delight of your choosing.)

• On this day in 1988 Doug Williams became the first Black quarterback to play in a Super Bowl, as he led my hometown Washington Commanders to victory over the Denver Broncos in Super Bowl XXII. I was only a tyke at the time, but I remember being pretty stoked about this.

• Birthday hot chocolate all around for: Dentist and Western novelist Zane Grey of Riders of the Purple Sage fame (1872), baseball icon and Hall of Fame second baseman Jackie Robinson (1919), actress, singer, and dancer Carol Channing of Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and Hello, Dolly! fame (1921), journalist & author Norman Mailer (1923), Chicago Cubs Hall of Fame infielder Ernie "Let's play two!" Banks (1931), singer-songwriter Harry Wayne Casey of disco luminaries K.C. and the Sunshine Band (1951), English singer-songwriter John Lydon of the Sex Pistols and Public Image, Ltd. (1956), Scottish author & screenwriter Grant Morrison of The Invisibles fame (1960), English singer-songwriter & guitarist Lloyd Cole (1961), English singer-songwriter & actress Minnie Driver of Good Will Hunting, Grosse Pointe Blank, and The Riches fame (1970), actress Kerry Washington of Scandal fame (1977), and singer-songwriter & actor Justin Timberlake of gaslighting Britney fame (1981)

• Pour out a Brandy Alexander for: English conspirator and mask inspiration Guy Fawkes (d. 1606), English author, poet, and playwright A.A. Milne of Winnie-the-Pooh fame (d. 1956), and Motown composer & songwriter Anna Gordy Gaye (d. 2014)

Look, the mask that bears his name is cool an' all, but let's not forget that this stylish edgelord was really just a religious zealot who was executed for trying to replace Protestant King James with his 9-year old daughter Elizabeth and then force her to marry some crusty old Catholic dude of his choosing. Smells like textbook patriarchal establishmentarianism to me!

GIF courtesy of V for Vendetta / Warner Bros. Pictures

Now on to the amusing links!

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 1. 🧙🏼‍♀️ Tess has a fever...

...and the only prescription is moving to a secluded castle in the forest!

For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.

2. 🐶 Cute dog! Is it a charcuterie?

Matt Conaghan is a freshly minted thousandaire, and he is here to brag about his recent windfall!

3. 🍝 When you're here, you're miserable!

Actor & comedian Chaz May portrays a day in the life of an Olive Garden patron.

4. 🔴 Seeing (and eating!) red

Comedy creator Tyler Bender walks us through the next diet craze that will be sweeping the nation: Red 40 maxing!

5. 🦙 Boyfriend trouble? Replace him with a llama!

Next time the pocket-hoarding man in your life gives you grief about carrying your stuff, just remind him how replaceable he is.

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We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...

IT'S NATIONAL PUZZLE DAY!

Did you know solving puzzles is actually good for you? Solving puzzles fosters a sense of accomplishment, releasing dopamine in your brain, which makes you feel happier. Plus, solving puzzles stimulates your brain, improving memory, cognitive function, and problem solving skills in the process.

That makes today a perfect occasion to get our adult activity books, Adventures in the Abyss or Whatever! Both books are loaded with logic puzzles, crossword puzzles, word searches, math puzzles, cryptograms, mazes, word jumbles, coloring pages, and more!

(If you're not in the mood to celebrate puzzles you could also celebrate Curmudgeons Day and Freethinkers Day.)

Wow, okay, Valentine's Day is next month, but if you do need Valentine's Day gift ideas, check out the Delve Decks! Couples that have been together for decades tell us playing with them makes them feel like they're dating again. How romantic, we love to see it!

GIF via Giphy

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Alright! Let's kick off the week with a few famous January 29th historical events and notable birthdays:

• Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven" was published  in the New York Evening Mirror on this day in 1845

• Kansas became the 34th US state on this day in 1861

• The Coca-Cola Company incorporated in Atlanta, Georgia on this day in 1892

• The Rubik’s Cube made its international debut at the Ideal Toy Corp. in Earl’s Court, London on this day in 1980

• Birthday cake all around for: writer/philosopher Thomas Paine of Common Sense pamphlet fame (1737), 25th US President William McKinley (1843), Russian author & playwright Anton Chekhov of "Chekhov's gun" literary device fame (1860), actor W.C. Fields (1880), actor John Forsythe of Charlie's Angels and Dynasty fame (1918), actor Tom Selleck of Magnum P.I. fame (1945), talk show host/actress Oprah Winfrey (1954), writer/director Edward Burns (1968), actress Heather Graham (1970), and actress Sara Gilbert (1975)

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OK, no new customer Q&A this week, unfortunately! If you're feeling even moderately outgoing and would like to be featured in an upcoming Monday email (and are a customer with some Boredwalk tees, tanks, hoodies, towels, bags, books, or Delve Decks to show off), just reply to this and let us know and we'll send you some fun questions!

We'll be back here in your inbox on Wednesday with some more random holidays to observe, historical tidbits to acknowledge, and fun links to entertaining content! Until next time...

Peace, love, and puzzles,

Meredith

COLOR US UNIMPRESSED

Well, we are now almost a full month into 2024, and I have to say that so far I am in agreement with our striped friend up top — thoroughly unimpressed.

So far this year:

• Our office has been broken into and burglarized (twice! In the same night!)

• Two adult men in their 50s decided to pause their high-speed chase through my suburban neighborhood over a minor fender bender and beat each other to a pulp in my (now blood-stained) driveway while I was attempting to park my car and get the foster kitten I was bringing home from spay surgery inside to recuperate.

• Boredwalk's sales have been in the toilet except for the (admittedly very excellent and hilarious) activity books for adults that we have struggled to advertise effectively for almost two years until a few weeks ago thanks to an ad that doesn't even feature pictures of said books, because why not?

• One of the aforementioned adult pugilists showed up yesterday morning and blocked our driveway (again) as Boredwalk co-founder Meredith and I were leaving for work in an effort to intimidate me into giving him nonexistent video footage of his earlier crimes that he was convinced would exonerate him in his upcoming assault and battery trial, forcing us to call 911 for the second time in 10 days.

So yeah. 2024: off to an inauspicious start!

I wish I could, Liz Lemon, but I have 11 more months of this nonsense to look forward to!

Who knows what fresh Hell February will bring!?!

Moving on to other topics...Happy National Green Juice Day, I guess? Woof, January 26th — you are not helping at all

The only "green juice" I am remotely interested in drinking is a glass of melted mint chocolate chip ice cream, and even then I'd have to think long and hard about what I'm about to swallow.*

* I know a lot of creeps reading this just giggled like a middle schooler, hit "reply," and started typing "that's what she..." Stop. Please don't. You're better than that. Get your mind out of the gutter!

Today is also National Peanut Brittle Day, which on the surface may sound marginally better than Green Juice Day, but honestly, this low-key seems like a scheme Big Dentistry cooked up to sell more crowns and fillings during a slow month. Don't fall for their tricks!

Finally, today is also National Fun At Work Day, but I think we've established that is not happening here at Boredwalk this year, so let's just move on...

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While you're waiting for your new Boredwalk gear to arrive you can also treat your earholes to the latest episode of the Boredwalk Podcast! Click here to listen on your favorite podcasting platform!

This week Meredith and Tess discuss unhinged people who steal other artists' work only to claim THEY are the aggrieved party. It happens way more often than you might think!

Next up is a dispatch from the land of trolls, which is never a dull moment! A special twist this week is their professed concern for our souls, which seems both well-meaning but also invasive and judgmental.

This week's Question of the Day was "which song immediately transports you back to a happy time of your life?" Lots of fun answers from Boredwalk's Instagram & Facebook followers that run the gamut!

They wrap up the episode by trading answers to the questions "what are you too hard on yourself about?" from the Delve Deck: Venting Edition, and "what are you most thankful you learned as a kid?" from the Delve Deck: Joy Edition. Listen to hear their answers!

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 Alright! Let's send you off into the weekend with some notable events and famous birthdays from January 26ths of yore! If that includes yours, happy birthday to you!

• In 1837 Michigan was admitted into the union as the 26th U.S. state

• In 1870 my home state of Virginia was RE-admitted into the union following its regrettable choices in 1861

• In 1915 lovely Rocky Mountain National Park in Colorado was established by the U.S. Congress. Nice lay-up there, Congress!

• Birthday peanut brittle all around for: Austrian-American singer, unsolvable problem, and inspiration for the musical The Sound of Music Maria von Trapp (1905), activist, filmmaker, salad dressing enthusiast, and damn handsome actor Paul Newman (1925), mediocre baseball player, humorous TV dad, great sportscaster, and legendary beer pitch man Bob Uecker (1934), Marvel Comics illustrator Sal Buscema (1936), activist, author, and academic Angela Davis (1944), film critic and thumb aficionado Gene Siskel (1946), bassist & singer-songwriter Andy Hummel of influential power-poppers Big Star (1951), singer-songwriter & guitarist Lucinda Williams (1953), Dutch-American songwriter and guitar god Eddie Van Halen (1955), "Quiet Storm" singer-songwriter Anita Baker (1958), Canadian hockey icon Wayne "The Great One" Gretzky (1961), and English singer-songwriter & guitarist Andrew Ridgeley of Wham! fame (1963)

• Definitely pour out ALL the green juice (because it is gross) for: Chewing gum industrialist William Wrigley, Jr. (d. 1932), hardboiled Romanian-American actor Edward G. Robinson (d. 1973), country music singer-songwriter & guitarist Charlie Louvin (d. 2011), actor Abe Vigoda of The Godfather, Barney Miller, and Joe Versus The Volcano fame (d. 2016), and Los Angeles Lakers icon Kobe Bryant (d. 2020)

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OK, that's it for this week! I promise that Meredith and I are extremely eager to get back to working on new art and other products for you, but as you can imagine from the listicle of misery up top, design time has been hard to come by this month.

We'll be back here in your inbox on Monday with another email and maybe a fresh customer Q&A! If you'd like to be featured in an upcoming email reply to this and let us know!

Peace, love, and crossed fingers that things settle down,

Matt 

THANKS, BUT NO THANKS

Happy National Compliment Day! Compliments?! Ew, gross. Keep that anxiety fuel to yourself.

All is not lost, though! Today is also National Peanut Butter Day — huzzah! One of my favorite ways to stuff down the anxiety and discomfort I reflexively feel when complimented is to pile as many peanut butter cups on top of it as possible, so I guess we'll call January 24th a win-win for ol' Matty boy?

Before we get to today's sweet link roundup, let's acknowledge some notable events and birthdays from January 24ths of yore! If today happens to be YOUR birthday, I hope it is a happy one full of peanut buttery delights! (Unless you are allergic, in which case I hope it is full of some OTHER, secret delight of your choosing.)

• In 1908 the first Boy Scout troop was organized in England by Robert Baden-Powell

• In 1933 the 20th Amendment to the US Constitution was ratified, changing the beginning and end of terms for elected federal offices

• In 1935 the Gottfried Krueger Brewing Company began selling the first canned beer, and 89 years later sent me on a wild goose chase to find a humorous GIF featuring (presumable) co-founders Gilbert and Freddy toasting to their brewing acumen. (Oddly specific, yes, but also this seems like something that definitely could have happened in the 80s or 90s and been caught on film — two entertainment icons at their cultural peak relaxing with some cold ones?)

Well, yeah, but...have you tried his canned beer?

GIF courtesy of A Nightmare on Elm Street / New Line Cinema

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Birthday compliments (if you must) and peanut butter cups all around for:

• Prussian king Frederick the Great (1712), who must not have been that awesome since his country no longer exists

• Novelist Edith Wharton of The Age of Innocence, Ethan Frome, and The House of Mirth fame (1862)

• Actor Ernest Borgnine of McHale's Navy, The Black Hole, Escape from New York, The Dirty Dozen, The Wild Bunch, The Poseidon Adventure, and The Devil's Rain fame (1917)

• Singer-songwriter & guitarist Neil Diamond of "Sweet Caroline", "Forever In Blue Jeans", Midnight Mass, and Saving Silverman fame (1941)

• Soul singer Aaron Neville of "Tell It Like It Is" and "Everybody Plays the Fool" fame (1941)

• Singer-songwriter Warren Zevon of "Werewolves of London" fame (1947)

• Actor, screenwriter, and comedy legend John Belushi of Saturday Night Live, Animal House, and The Blues Brothers fame (1949)

• Ukrainian-American comedian & actor Yakov Smirnoff (1951). Fun fact about Yakov: when he first moved to Los Angeles to pursue comedy he lived with two roommates who were also struggling aspiring entertainers — Andrew Dice Clay and Thomas F. Wilson (Biff of Back to the Future trilogy fame). Why no producers have made a show about this living arrangement has baffled me ever since I learned about it over a decade ago.

• English singer-songwriter, pianist, and TV presenter Jools Holland (1958)

• Actor, comedian, screenwriter, and voice actor Phil LaMarr of MadTV, Futurama, and DC animated universe fame (1967)

• Olympic gold medal winning gymnast Mary Lou Retton (1968)

• Actor Matthew Lillard of Serial Mom, Scream, and Scooby Doo film franchise fame (1970)

• Actor, producer, and screenwriter Ed Helms of The Daily Show w/ Jon Stewart, The Hangover film series, and The Office fame (1974)

• Actress, comedian, and writer Kristen Schaal of Flight of the Conchords, The Last Man on Earth, 30 Rock, and Bob's Burgers fame (1978)

• Actress & singer Tatyana Ali of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air fame (1979)

• Actress Mischa Barton of The OC fame (1986)

Pour out some canned beer for:

• Roman emperor and noted party boi Caligula (d. 41)

• English soldier, politician, and cupcake frosting enthusiast Winston Churchill (d. 1965)

• Comedian and Stooge Larry Fine (d. 1975)

• Lawyer, jurist, and Supreme Court justice Thurgood Marshall (d. 1993)

• British singer-songwriter Mark E. Smith of The Fall (d. 2018)

Now on to the amusing links!

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1. 😇 😈 Heaven? Hell? Tell me there's a secret third option...

Good news: there is! Hope you like Skyline Chili!

For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.

2. 🎨 Don't be gelly — it's just art!

Seattle-based mixed media and paper collage artist Nadya Borisevich does some very cool stuff with old magazines and layered ink/paint!

3. 🐈 Big Chungus is all about that van life

#VanLifers Kayli & Logan may be documenting their existence in close motorized quarters, but I am only here for the van cat content. More Chungus, please! 

4. 🤑 There's no such thing as a cool billionaire

Comedian (and occasional Boredwalk sketch writer) Robert Schultz would beg to differ!

5. 🦹🏽 Finally, a glimpse into the inner workings of The Illuminati!

Comedian Nate Meeker and friends set the record straight. Shady puppet masters: they're just like us, putting in a hard day's work!

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We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...

Peace, love, and peanut buttery delight (or not),

Matt

FINE, THANKS 😾

Happy Answer Your Cat's Questions Day! If only this foster kitten we've been caring for, Grover, would ask us some. We'd be delighted to answer them all to the best of our ability, but she remains steadfast in her choice to only emit intermittent chirps & grumbles.

"How are you, Grover?" - Me

"Fine, thanks!" - this kitten, probably

It's also National Hot Sauce Day, which will come in handy as something Buffalonians can drown their tears in today! Tough break, Bills fans. There's always next year.

Today is also National Polka Dot Day! I was surprised to learn that Minnie Mouse is credited with popularizing the iconic print two years after it first appeared publicly in a Miss America swimsuit pageant. Disney's got those little white 4-fingered gloves in everything, don't they?

Finally, let's end today's random observance run-down on a sweet note: Happy National Blondie Day! I was also surprised to learn that the original recipe for brownies did not call for chocolate, making blondies the original form of the chewy treat! However, this news does make me wonder what its final form will be in the event blondies are some sort of edible Pokémon...

Maybe strawberry, for some sort of Neapolitan baked treat trifecta?

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Alright! Let's kick off the week with a few famous January 22nd historical events and notable birthdays and deathdays:

• In 1890 the United Mine Workers of America was founded in Columbus, Ohio

• In 1973 the Supreme Court of the United States delivered its decisions in Roe v. Wade and Doe v. Bolton, legalizing elective abortion nationwide until it was overturned on June 24th, 2022

• In 1984 the first home computer to popularize the computer mouse and graphical user interface, the Apple Macintosh, was introduced during a Super Bowl XVIII television commercial

• Birthday blondies all around (hot sauce optional) for: English soldier, explorer, and alleged "stupid git" Sir Walter Raleigh (1552), English poet John Donne (1573), Scottish privateer Captain William Kidd (1645), English poet & playwright Lord Byron (1788), chemist & pharmacist Wilbur Scoville of hot sauce heat scale fame (1865), singer-songwriter and soul music icon Sam Cooke (1931), actress Piper Laurie of Carrie (1932), actor Bill Bixby of My Favorite Martian and The Incredible Hulk fame (1934), English actor John Hurt of The Elephant Man, V for Vendetta, and the Harry Potter film franchise fame (1940), English singer-songwriter, music manager, and punk style influencer Malcolm McLaren (1946), singer-songwriter and erstwhile Journey frontman Steve Perry of "Don't Stop Believin'" fame (1949), indie filmmaking legend Jim Jarmusch (1953), actress Linda Blair of The Exorcist fame (1959), Australian singer-songwriter and 80s heartthrob Michael Hutchence of INXS fame (1960), DJ & producer DJ Jazzy Jeff of "Parents Just Don't Understand" and "Summertime" fame (1965), actress Diane Lane (1965), celebrity chef Guy Fieri (1968), actor Gabriel Macht of Suits fame (1972), and singer-songwriter & jazz singer Lizz Wright (1980)

• Pour out some hot sauce in memory of: Australian actor & director Heath Ledger (d. 2008), Canadian author & illustrator Margaret Bloy Graham of Harry the Dirty Dog fame (d. 2015), sci-fi & fantasy novelist Ursula K. Le Guin of Earthsea series fame (d. 2018), baseball icon and MLB Hall of Famer Hank Aaron (d. 2021), and Buddhist monk and peace activist Thích Nhất Hạnh

*****

OK, no new customer Q&A this week, unfortunately! If you're feeling even moderately outgoing and would like to be featured in an upcoming Monday email (and are a customer with some Boredwalk tees, tanks, hoodies, towels, bags, books, or Delve Decks to show off), just reply to this and let us know and we'll send you some fun questions!

We'll be back here in your inbox on Wednesday with some more random holidays to observe, historical tidbits to acknowledge, and fun links to entertaining content! Until next time.

Peace, love, and spicy blondies,

Matt

POTIONS AND POPCORN? SIGN ME UP!

As is our tradition, I am here to let you know it is both National Brew a Potion Day and National Popcorn Day. I am all for it, as a fan of both tasty snacks and all things spooky.

January 19th is actually a cornucopia of factual delights. Did you know Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg is birthday twins with Full House middle daughter actress Jodie Sweetin (both born on this day in 1982)? Or that it's Scrabble's birthday? I don't know how all of this helps you, but if you're a regular Boredwalk email reader I bet you're awesome at trivia night because we bring the random trivia!

It's also this dude's birthday...

If you're in the market for some shockingly soft hoodies* or other Boredwalk goodies, be sure to use code SAVE15 at checkout for 15% off orders of $95+, not to mention free U.S. shipping on orders of $75+ — no code needed!

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While you're waiting for your new Boredwalk gear to arrive you can also treat your earholes to the latest episode of the Boredwalk Podcast! Click here to listen on your favorite podcasting platform!

This week I chatted with Tess from our content team about the latest in crimes-that-always-seem-to-be-happening-around-me (this week you can hear about the fistfight that broke out in my driveway, which did NOT involve me or any one else in my household), the return of social obligations following the holidays, and This Week In Trolls, wherein two chaotic and inconsiderate sociopaths try to justify their awful impulses in reaction to some comedy sketches our content team published recently. They are unsuccessful in this endeavor.

Next up we react to fan responses to the Question of the Day "what food do you hate that everyone seems to love?"

The episode wraps up with the two of us trading questions from the Venting and Joy editions of the Delve Deck!

First up from the Venting edition: "what seems like it should make you happy but doesn't?"

Not satisfied with one venting question, we also discuss "what problem can you not believe technology hasn't solved yet?"

As a palate cleanser we attempted to indulge in some joyful rumination, answering "if you could create a magic pill, what would it do?" Give a listen to hear our answers!

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Alright! Let's send you off into the weekend with some notable events and famous birthdays from January 19ths of yore! If that includes yours, happy birthday to you!

• The American Civil Liberties Union was founded on this day in 1920

• Scrabble made its debut on the board game market on this day in 1955

• Indira Gandhi became India's first female prime minister on this day in 1966

• Cult film Donnie Darko premiered at the Sundance Film Festival on this day 2001

• Birthday cake all around for: author Edgar Allan Poe (1809), artist Paul Cézanne (1893), model/actress Tippi Hedren (1930), singer-guitarist Phil Everly of The Everly Brothers (1939), singer-songwriter Janis Joplin (1943), singer-songwriter Dolly Parton (1946), actress Katey Sagal (1954), US Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg (1982), and actress Jodie Sweetin of Full House fame (1982)

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OK, that's it for this week! We'll be back here in your inbox on Monday with another email and a fresh customer Q&A! If you'd like to be featured in an upcoming email reply to this and let us know!

Peace, love, popcorn, and potions,

Meredith

LOL, JUST KIDDING. YOU'LL HAVE TO DISTILL IT YOURSELF!

Happy National Bootlegger's Day! Weird to celebrate a criminal activity, but since January 17th is both Al Capone's birthday AND the anniversary of the enactment of the Volstead Act, which prohibited the sale of alcohol in the U.S. beginning in 1920, I suppose it's fitting.

All I know about Al Capone I learned from The Untouchables. Mostly that he was an avid baseball fan.

GIF courtesy of The Untouchables / Paramount Pictures

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Alright, before we get to those links let's acknowledge some notable events and famous birthdays from January 17ths of yore. Maybe yours! If it is, happy birthday!

• As mentioned, in 1920 the prohibition of the sale of alcohol began in the United States as a result of the Volstead Act taking effect

• Birthday cake all around for: English author & poet Anne Brontë (1820), film producer & Universal Studios co-founder Carl Laemmle (1867), mob boss & baseball fan Al Capone (1899), actress & national treasure Betty White (1922), actress, singer, and presumable cat enthusiast Eartha Kitt (1927), actor James Earl Jones (1931), boxer & activist Muhammad Ali (1942), actor & comedian Andy Kaufman (1949), English singer-songwriter & guitarist Mick Taylor of Rolling Stones fame (1949), singer-songwriter Steve Earle (1955), actor & comedian Steve Harvey (1957), singer-songwriter & guitarist Susanna Hoffs of The Bangles (1959), Canadian-American actor & comedian Jim Carrey (1962), former First Lady Michelle Obama (1964), English singer-songwriter & guitarist Richard Hawley (1967), Russian-American animator Genndy Tartakovsky of The Powerpuff Girls and Samurai Jack fame (1970), rapper & producer Lil Jon (1971), actor Freddy Rodriguez of Six Feet Under and Ugly Betty fame (1975), actress & singer-songwriter Zooey Deschanel (1980), and boxer & YouTuber Jake Paul (1997)

• Pour one out for: 19th President of the United States and lemonade enthusiast Rutherford B. Hayes (d. 1893), stained glass artist Louis Tiffany of fancy lamp fame (d. 1933), author & playwright Betty Smith of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn fame (d. 1972), and problematic chess icon Bobby Fischer (d. 2008)

Now on to the amusing links!

*****

1. 🛠️ No need to bring any tools...

..this furniture comes with its own!

The Alpha Female Podcast is back with more incontrovertible facts about the shortcomings of men, like their refusal to build IKEA furniture on the first date. IT'S THE SOCIAL CONTRACT, GENTS.

For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.

2. 🤡 Make your firing festive in one easy step!

Just add clown!

3. 😬 This gives all new meaning to the term "Blood Moon"

Actress & comedian Anna Akana breaks down why no women have been on the Moon yet. 

4. 😤 Men only want one thing

And content creators Eva & Javier Gabriel know exactly what that one thing is: to win an argument with their partner.

5. 🤨 Work spouses: Like regular spouses, but creepier

The secret (family) is out!

*****

We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...

Peace, love, and unauthorized libations,

Matt

IF YOU'RE NOT A BLUBBERING MESS BECAUSE OF A CAR COMMERCIAL, IS IT EVEN THE HOLIDAY SEASON?!

Happy National Gazpacho Day!

I suppose early December is a fairly fitting time to celebrate a chilled soup, but since modern gazpacho relies heavily on a distinctly summery produce — tomatoes, cucumbers, and avocados are fixtures in mine — it feels like maybe this isn't the ideal juncture at which to put it on a pedestal.

But who am I kidding; if someone offers me a bowl of gazpacho today, there's no way I'm passing that up.

Hot, cold, lukewarm — if it has tomatoes in it, I'm in, Lisa.

GIF courtesy of The Simpsons / FOX

Alright, before we get to those links, let's take note of some famous events and birthdays from December 6ths of yore. Maybe yours! If it is, happy birthday!

• In 1865, Georgia ratified the 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, legally freeing American slaves

• In 1884 the Washington Monument was completed

• Birthday gazpacho all around for: Songwriter Ira Gershwin (1896), actress Agnes Moorehead of Bewitched fame (1900), Canadian-American businessman Irv Robbins of Baskin-Robbins ice cream fame (1917), jazz pianist & composer Dave Brubeck of "Take Five" and "Blue Rondo à la Turk" fame (1920), computer programmer and entrepreneur Craig Newmark of CraigsList fame (1952), singer-songwriter Chris Stamey of 80s power-pop luminaries the dBs (1954), English drummer & songwriter Rick Buckler of mod punk legends The Jam (1955), actor & comedian Steven Wright (1955), guitarist, songwriter, and producer Peter Buck of R.E.M. fame (1956), guitarist & songwriter Randy Rhoads of Quiet Riot and Ozzy Osbourne band fame (1956), drummer David Lovering of Pixies fame (1961), English singer-songwriter and DJ Ben Watt of Everything But The Girl (1962), filmmaker Judd Apatow (1967), and HIV/AIDS activist Ryan White (1971)

• Pour one out for: Singer-songwriter & guitarist Roy Orbison of "Only the Lonely" and "Oh, Pretty Woman" fame (d. 1988) and singer-songwriter Dobie Gray of "Drift Away" fame (d. 2011)

Now on to the amusing links!

1. 💍 If it's the holidays, it's time for a lot of "he went to Jareth's!" commercials

Screw Jared — people who want to REALLY express romantic emotion via fancy rocks get their baubles from Jareth!

For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.

2. 💉 Worried about pox and/or plague? Get thee to the apothecary!

Renaissance person Colleen McCandless (briefly) takes modern medicine back to the actual Renaissance.

3. 😭 What is this salty discharge?!

Yeah, this Chevy commercial is emotionally manipulative AF, but even my cynical @$$ started bawling 30 seconds in and didn't stop for the next five minutes.

4. 🤨 Ew, literacy? Sounds like witchcraft.

Comedian Missy Chanpaibool reimagines pilgrim women as pick-me girls. Jedediah doesn't know what he's getting himself into!

5. 🎙️ Sounds like somebody shoulda gone to Jareth's!

Boredwalk's alpha female podcast is back, and they have a bone to pick with men who don't put out on the first date!*

*And by "put out" we mean "complete minor home repairs."

She bought you dinner, pal, so stop playing coy and get on your knees — that shower drain isn't going to unclog itself!

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OK! We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...

Peace, love, and gazpacho,

Matt

...BUT AT LEAST THERE ARE COOKIES AT THE BOTTOM

Happy National Cookie Day! The cooler temperatures may be bumming me out, but there are few things that warm the cockles of ones heart like freshly-baked cookies. Scrumdiddlyumptious! Bonus points if you can enjoy them with someone covered in warm & cozy fur.

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For you gaming enthusiasts, today is also National Dice Day! I prefer games that don't require die rolls, but to each their own.

And if your extremities are particularly chilly today, it would be a capital idea to celebrate National Sock Day!

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Let's kick off the week with a few famous December 4th birthdays and historical facts:

• In 1865 North Carolina ratified the 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. The state of Georgia would follow soon thereafter, and within two weeks U.S. slaves were legally freed.

• In 1909 the Montreal Canadiens ice hockey team was founded as a charter member of the National Hockey Association. It is the oldest surviving professional ice hockey franchise in the world.

• In 1956 the "Million Dollar Quartet" of Elvis Presley, Jerry Lee Lewis, Carl Perkins, and Johnny Cash record together at Sun Studio in Memphis, Tennessee for the first and last time.

• Birthday cookies all around for: Austrian-Swiss poet & author Rainer Maria Rilke (1875), singer-songwriter, guitarist, and bassist Chris Hillman of The Byrds and The Flying Burrito Brothers (1944), singer-songwriter & drummer Dennis Wilson of The Beach Boys (1944), actor Jeff Bridges of Tron, Starman, and The Big Lebowski fame (1949), actor Tony Todd of Candyman film franchise fame (1954), jazz singer-songwriter Cassandra Wilson (1955), actress Marisa Tomei of My Cousin Vinny and Slums of Beverly Hills fame (1964), actor & musician Fred Armisen of Saturday Night Live and Portlandia fame (1966), rap icon Jay-Z of "being Beyoncé's lesser half" fame (1969), and model & actress Tyra Banks (1973)

• Pour one out for: German-American philosopher Hannah Arendt (d. 1975), singer-songwriter, guitarist, and producer Frank Zappa (d. 1993), and singer & actor Bob McGrath of Sesame Street fame (d. 2022)

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OK, scroll on down to learn a bit about fellow Boredwalk fan Jay! If you're feeling even moderately outgoing and would like to be featured in an upcoming Monday email (and are a customer with some Boredwalk tees, tanks, hoodies, towels, bags, or books to show off), just reply to this and let us know and we'll send you some fun questions!

We'll be back here in your inbox on Wednesday with some more random holidays to observe, historical tidbits to acknowledge, and fun links to entertaining content! Until next time...

Peace, love, and cookies,

Matt

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Jay looking cozy in her Brooklyn 718 scoop-neck sweatshirt while adding to her Grievance Journal!

• What's your biggest pet peeve?

People who chew with their mouth open and men who cannot share a sidewalk!

• What's a book you think the Boredwalk community should read?

The Body is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love by Renee Taylor

• If you could have any super power what would it be and why?

I’d want to fly. I think it would be fun and I’d save on gas.

• You can curse your nemesis with a minor annoyance for eternity; what do you choose?

I don’t have to, as he keeps on getting fired from jobs on his own.

• What experience do you most want to cross off your bucket list?

I would go skydiving without the fear of puking and duking the run-of-green-sturdy fields.

• If you could make a mundane wish (meaning, a wish for something seemingly inconsequential that you still believe would benefit you immensely), what would it be for?

Take care of one of my beloved’s chronic pain

• What experience do you most want to cross off your bucket list?

Own a cat and dog at same time!

• What is something you wish you could go back in time and say to your younger self?

Get the offer in writing!

• Clear up a misconception (about your job, where you are from, some other topic you know a lot about).

Feminists can cook and have a great sense of humor!

• Where can the rest of the Boredwalk community find you?

I love the West Coast!

DELVE DECK EXPANSION PACKS ARE FINALLY HERE! 😍

This hot new release is months in the making, but if you loved our original Delve Deck, we're sure you'll love these two new expansion packs. This time we have a little something for everyone!

For the rays of sunshine: maybe you bought our original deck but wished it had even more upbeat content or you're one of those folks trying to work on your gratitude practice. For you, we present the Joy Edition. This deck features 150 questions about your favorite things, helping you hone in on what you love, what you're grateful for, and what makes you the happiest. It's perfect for bonding with friends about your favorite stuff and can even function as prompts for journaling or solo reflection.

For the rays of pitch black: you know you're my people! Like you, I too am a ray of pitch black and believe complaining should be an Olympic sport. If you enjoyed our Grievance Journal, this new deck is a must-have. With 150 questions, our Venting Edition is perfect for bonding with friends about all the stuff that drives you the craziest.

And before some so-and-so lectures you about how you shouldn't complain*, tell them to stuff their judgment in a sack, because complaining can actually be good for you (and let's be honest, it can be fun, too)! You can also direct them to the Joy Edition—like I said, something for everyone!

*Isn't complaining about someone else's desire to complain also complaining? Gotcha there, rays of sunshine! C'mon, admit it — you wanna complain, too. Come to the dark side, we have cake!

GIF via Blown Away

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Alright! Let's send you off into the weekend with some notable events and famous birthdays from December 1sts of yore!

• Sherlock Holmes first appeared in print on this day in 1887

• The Kingdom of Iceland was established on this day in 1918

• The first issue of Playboy Magazine was published on this day in 1953

• Civil rights activist Rosa Parks was arrested on this day in 1955 for refusing to move to the back of a bus

• Birthday cakes all around for: French-English sculptor and founder of Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum Marie Tussaud (1761), comedian Richard Pryor (1940), actress Bette Midler (1945), comedian Sarah Silverman (1970), actress & musician Janelle Monáe (1985), and actress Zoë Kravitz (1988)