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The ides have it 🗡️
LOOK ALIVE, JULIUS!
(OOPS, TOO LATE) 💀
Happy Peanut Lovers Day! It seems like it was just yesterday we were celebrating National Peanut Cluster Day, but in point of fact it was just yesterweek that we did that. March sure is nuts for peanuts.
It's also National VO Day! VO — voiceover, if you're "in the biz" — is such a cool talent. Sadly, it seems to be going the way of the buffalo. Sometime around 1988,* animation studios stopped hiring ultra-talented career voice actors that could adopt a wide variety of personas and switch between them at a moment's notice and started replacing them with big name Hollywood stars that were supposedly more "bankable."
*I chose this year in particular because for some reason my inner child blames the film Oliver & Company for kickstarting this trend, even though my inner adult is sure it began before then. Boredwalk co-founder Meredith will be quite pleased that I have finally found fault with Billy Joel (aka Artful Dodger) for something. I guess he made up for it with that indomitable street savoir faire of his.
The joke's on those studio suits, though, since soon even Hollywood A-listers and former Grammy winners will be iced out by AI-generated deepfake voice tracks.** Weird how the more things change, the more they stay the same, hmm?
**They would probably love this, actually, since they wouldn't have to pay robots scale (that's minimum wage, if you're in the biz). Suits are gonna suit.
Whatever happens, I hope whomever future generations of suits try to screw over financially — be they human or machine — take a cue from that soft but deadly tee up top and choose retribution.
Speaking of that tee, tap the pink button below and get one for yourself so you are properly attired when the revolution comes!
Was this a long way for a joke that combined a reference to a 34 year old peanut butter commercial AND a 20 year old reference to a 1,980 year old assassination of a Roman emperor on the Ides of March/National Peanut Lovers Day? Yes. But was that journey worth it? Also yes.
You can thank me for my next-level comedy stylings by
purchasing some shirts, books, and Delve Decks.
GIF via Mean Girls / Paramount Pictures
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While you're waiting for your new Boredwalk gear to arrive you can also treat your earholes to the latest episode of the Boredwalk Podcast!
This week Meredith & Tess discuss the proposed TikTok divestment and/or ban working its way through Congress but touch on the equally problematic — and previously mentioned — proliferation of AI-generated deepfake photos and videos. Worse living through technology!
This leads into a conversation about the accelerating normalization of general incompetence in the world. Wonderful!
Tess reads a recent glowing review of our Delve Deck conversation cards, and chases it with some troll comments to make sure we don't get too high on ourselves. Mission accomplished, Kolton!
Speaking of the Delve Deck, our hosts move on to read and react to fan responses to the recent Question of the Day that was pulled from the Delve Deck "what frivolous hill are you willing to die on?" Entertaining answers abound!
They then take a quick break to talk about Boredwalk's forthcoming spring release and the manufacturing headaches that have gone along with it before wrapping up by trading answers to the Delve Deck Venting and Joy Edition questions "what do other people find romantic that doesn't impress you?" and "what is at the top of your bucket list?"
Get in on the action and listen to the hilarity on the platform of your choice!
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Here are a few historical tidbits and famous birthdays from March 15ths of yore to kick off your weekend:
• ICYMI earlier in this email, in 44 BCE ol' Julius Caesar was stabbed 23 times by his pals in the Roman Senate, leading him to, in the words of Tupac, "die slow."
• Speaking of 23, in 1820 the great state of Maine was admitted as the 23rd US state. My favorite thing about Maine is that it is Stephen King's home state and the setting of all his best stories. Good on ya for being such a hotbed of creative creepiness, Maine!
• Birthday treats (peanutty and otherwise) all around for: Legendary blues singer-songwriter & guitarist Lightnin' Hopkins (1912), actor Judd Hirsch of Taxi, Dear John, Independence Day, and Sharknado 2 fame (1935), Grateful Dead bassist Phil Lesh (1940), Beach Boys singer-songwriter & musician Mike Love (1941), Canadian horror filmmaker & occasional actor David Cronenberg of Scanners, The Fly, and Nightbreed fame (1943), legendary pop/rock/funk/R&B musician & producer Sly Stone (1943), actress Frances Conroy of Six Feet Under and American Horror Story fame (1953), Twisted Sister singer-songwriter Dee Snider (1955), singer-songwriter Terence Trent D'Arby of "Wishing Well" fame (1962), Poison singer-songwriter & reality TV celebrity Bret Michaels (1963), singer-songwriter Rockwell of "Somebody's Watching Me" fame (1964), Sugar Ray singer-songwriter & actor Mark McGrath, ALSO of Sharknado 2 fame (1968; so much star power in Sharknado 2!), singer-songwriter Mark Hoppus of Blink-182 fame (1972), actress Eva Longoria of Desperate Housewives fame (1975), rapper will.i.am of Black Eyed Peas fame (1975), rapper Young Buck of G-Unit fame (1981), and actress Eva Amurri of Saved! and Californication fame (1985)
• Pour one out for: The exhaustively mentioned Julius Caesar (d. 44 BCE), problematic but influential horror writer H.P. Lovecraft (d. 1937), rapper, singer, and G-funk icon Nate Dogg (d. 2011), and drummer Scott Asheton of influential Detroit proto-punks The Stooges (d. 2014)
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OK, that's it for this week!
We'll be back here in your inbox on Monday with another email and maybe a fresh customer Q&A if any brave soul (perhaps you?) volunteers! If you'd like to be featured in an upcoming email, reply to this one and let us know!
Peace, love, and retribution,
Matt
Spoiler alert 😨
BAD LUCK IS A GIVEN!
It's National Open an Umbrella Indoors Day, and the occasion description says we should all try opening umbrellas indoors today to prove bad luck isn't real. I don't need to open an umbrella indoors to know if bad luck is real, I already know it's real because *gestures at everything*.
I will also not be celebrating "Smart and Sexy Day," which is repulsively described as a day to "celebrate the skills, quick-wit, and ingenuity of magnificent women in their various career fields." In the words of me...
Me giving career and fashion advice
I guess National Good Samaritan Day and National Coconut Torte Day can hang. I will spare good Samaritans and cake from the wrath of my corvid mob.
Here are a few March 13th historical facts & famous birthdays for you to impress your friends with:
• That patent for earmuffs was issued on this day in 1877. Mid-March seems a tad bit late for this engineering marvel's unveiling, but I suppose then-19 year old Chester Greenwood needed to test his "Champion Ear Protectors" over the course of the preceding winter before he felt they were ready for prime time.
• The planet Uranus was discovered on this day in 1781 by astronomer William Herschel, much to the delight of tween boys everywhere [insert Beavis & Butthead "heh-heh" here].
• Canadian reggae rapper Snow's single "Informer" became a number 1 hit on this day in 1993, much to the chagrin of the tween boy version of my co-founder, who has been taunted about it ever since, due to having the last name Snow (no they are not related).
• Birthday tortes all around for: singer-songwriter Neil Sedaka (1939), actor William H. Macy (1950), musician Greg Norton of Hüsker Dü bass playing fame, musician Adam Clayton of U2 bass playing fame (1960), actress Annabeth Gish of SLC Punk! fame (1971), and rapper Common (1972)
• Pour one out for: Nursing student Breonna Taylor, who was murdered by police executing a no-knock warrant in pursuit of a suspected drug trafficker who didn't even live in her apartment building (d. 2020). #SayHerName
Alright, on to the amusing links!
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1. 🍷 Bottoms up, the end is nigh
Tess and Gabe from the Boredwalk content team discuss how they'd cope with the end times.
For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.
2. ✈️️ Ma'am we're an A LA CARTE airline!
Nikki Howard perfectly lampoons the obnoxious experience that is modern air travel.
3. 🎨 This takes anatomical art to a new level
Watch Rachel Azzopardi Carbonese paint a human head from the inside out, a mesmerizing watch.
4.☀️ Weather comes at you fast here in California
Comedian Helen Shephard explains how seasons change fast here in the golden state.
5. 😆 How to stave off pix and plague
Colleen McCandless regales us with her adventures at ye olde apothecary.
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We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...
Peace, love, and coconut torte,
Meredith
😵💫 Discombobulated? Out of sorts? Yeah...
WE GET IT
Happy Sensible Time Day! This is not an official holiday that is observed by anyone besides other people who agree with me that Standard Time is infinitely superior to Daylight Saving Time. That said, I still feel sympathy for all the DST stans out there. May your day be full of as much caffeine as you require!
Now that we've got the positive stuff out of the way, we now return you to your regularly scheduled Monday, wherein you may observe:
• National Immune System Day
• National COVID-19 Day
• National Funeral Director & Mortician Recognition Day
All of those seem related to some degree... and guaranteed to prompt a persistent feeling of malaise.
Not all of today's random occasions are a bummer, though! We also have:
• National Napping Day
• National Dream Day
• National Oatmeal & Nut Waffles Day
• National Johnny Appleseed Day
My advice? Skip the first three and focus on the latter four. Take a nap and dream a little dream that when you awake some kind hero will have made you some oatmeal & nut waffles topped with warm apple compote. Nothing helps a body spring forward like a belly full of carbs!
I know it's true, Dwight. That's why I said it!
GIF via The Office / NBC
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Let's take note of some significant historical happenings and birthdays from March 11ths of yore:
• In 2020 the World Health Organization declared the COVID-19 virus epidemic a pandemic. BOOOOO!!!
• Birthday oatmeal nut waffles all around for: Actor Mark Metcalf of Animal House and Twisted Sister music video fame (1946), singer-songwriter & producer Bobby McFerrin of "Don't Worry, Be Happy" fame (1950), English author & playwright Douglas Adams of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy fame (1952), German singer-songwriter and punk icon Nina Hagen (1955), Canadian actor Elias Koteas of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Some Kind of Wonderful fame (1961), singer-songwriter Lisa Loeb of "Stay" fame (1968), actor & producer Terrence Howard of Iron Man, Hustle & Flow, and Empire fame (1969), actor Johnny Knoxville of Jackass fame (1971), singer-songwriters Benji & Joel Madden of the band Good Charlotte (1979), actress & filmmaker Thora Birch of American Beauty and Ghost World fame (1982), and Russian-American actor Anton Yelchin of Star Trek, Fright Night, and Odd Thomas fame (1989; RIP!)
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OK, that's it for today! No new customer Q&A due to lack of volunteers, so if you're feeling even moderately outgoing and would like to be featured in an upcoming Monday email (and are a customer with some Boredwalk tees, tanks, hoodies, towels, bags, books, or Delve Decks to show off), just reply to this and let us know and we'll send you some fun questions!
We'll be back here in your inbox on Wednesday with some more random holidays to observe, historical tidbits to acknowledge, and fun links to entertaining content! Until next time...
Peace, love, and bonus daylight,
Matt