December 16, 2020


Happy National Chocolate Covered Anything Day! This is normally when I would say something along the lines of "hey, something we can all get behind," but the reality of the matter is that a.) not everyone can enjoy chocolate due to either allergies or having dysfunctional taste buds, and b.) some foods just should not be covered in chocolate. In fact, scratch that — MOST foods should not be covered in chocolate. (I just know some smart aleck is going to reply to this ranting about chocolate-covered bacon or some such nonsense. Please — spare me your cockamamie cocoa concoctions.)

Jim from The Office has no time for your chocolate nightmares

Jim doesn't want your chocolatey tomfoolery, either.

Now, do I have links? Of course I do. But you can't have your links until you've had your cake! We have a LOT of notable birthdays today, so put on your sweatpants...

• Happy birthday to the woman, the myth, the legend...Jane Austen, born this day in 1775! Ms. Austen's use of irony, humor, realism, and commentary on the landed gentry of late 18th century England has long been acclaimed in both critical circles and popular culture. 

• Next, с днем рождения to painter and art theorist Wassily Kandinsky, born this day in 1866! Mr. Kandinsky has generally been credited as the pioneer of abstract art and the expressionist movement. Ah, so HE'S to blame...

• Cut a monolith-sized piece for futurist and science fiction writer Arthur C. Clarke, born this day in 1917! Along with Robert Heinlein and Isaac Asimov, Mr. Clarke is informally regarded as one of the "Big Three" sci-fi writers of the 20th century, thanks to his short-form work in periodicals and his Space Odyssey series of novels.

• Today is also the birthday of another science fiction luminary, Philip K. Dick, born this day in 1928! His works dealt with questions of perception, the nature of reality, identity, and human nature. Key films based on his works: Blade RunnerTotal RecallA Scanner DarklyThe Adjustment BureauMinority Report, and recent streaming hit The Man In The High Castle.

• Cut a sharp-dressed slice for Moving Sidewalks and ZZ Top guitarist Billy Gibbons, born this day in 1949! Fun fact: the only member of ZZ Top to not rock an actual beard is drummer Frank...wait for it...Beard.

OK,'ve waited long enough. It's link time!

1. Artist Daniel Horine reimagines baseball players as superheroes, and I am HERE FOR IT. 

Meredith can complain all she wants about my incessant attempts to shoehorn baseball and other sports-related ephemera into these emails, but I think even she would acknowledge that these limited edition comic book-inspired prints are pretty cool...even if she is most definitely NOT a "fanatic of the B-word."

2. Is this classic Sesame Street song parody from 1985 new

No, it's not. But when it involves "Billy Idle" singing 'Rebel L' about the letter 'L', you could say that it's...vital.

3. Speaking of puppets, illustrator Ben Chen's work finally exposes smurfs for the monsters they truly are.

Don't feed them cookies, whatever you do.

4. Cartoonist John Atkinson is very funny. I apologize in advance if you don't get anything else done today outside of scrolling his site.

Not really, though, because scrolling his site is probably the most edifying thing you can do today (unless your job entails developing a single-dose airborne vaccine for Covid and/or stupidity).

5. Frank the Christmas Gargoyle is here to save us all by waging a one-goyle-war on humorless neighbors and their aggressive notes pertaining to "acceptable" holiday decor.

Seriously — this neighbor has WAY too much time on her hands.