A VAMPIRE SQUID WITH DELUSIONS OF MINDFULNESS!
It's me, Meredith (again)! You may be thinking "OK, one email is fine and dandy, but two is a pattern. What exactly did Matt do that warranted offing him, and where did you hide the body?"
As exciting as the prospect of getting away with murder in plain sight is, the reality of the situation is much more mundane: as I'm typing this it is September 8th, which is Matt's birthday, so I'm giving him the gift of one less hour or so of work. I hope he likes it!
Alright, you know the drill: let's have some birthday cake for various nouns (both proper and improper) that are celebrating milestones today, September 9th!
First up, happy 170th to the great state of California, which was admitted into the Union as the 31st state on this day in 1850! The Golden State may have got its start thanks to the gold rush of 1849, but nowadays it's mostly flames in them there hills.
Next, try a little tenderness as you tear into a slice for the king of Stax soul himself, Otis Redding, born this day in 1941! Two of the things that go unsung about Mr. Redding are his skill as a songwriter, as well as his acumen as a businessman. Not only did he write 'Respect' (popularized by Aretha Franklin) and his own hits 'Try A Little Tenderness' and '(Sittin' on the) Dock of the Bay', but he also understood the value of his work and retained copyright ownership of his songs, which made him a much more financially secure and successful musician and performer in the 1960s than many of his contemporaries who were often willing to sign whatever paperwork was put in front of them in order to get time in a recording studio. Tragically, Otis died in a plane crash at the age of 26, just three days after recording 'Dock of the Bay', which would become the first posthumous number one single upon its release.
Finally, today is also the anniversary of Elvis Presley's first appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show in 1956! The studio cameras focused on his upper torso and legs to avoid showing his pelvis gyrations, which many Americans — including Ed Sullivan himself — thought unfit for a family show.
OK, link time!
Sure, a stiff drink and a gummy will also do the trick, but sometimes you want something a little more...meditative.
No? Well then I guess recently deceased witch Holly Blair of Idaho is something of a game changer! If my obituary is half as epic as this one, I'll die a moderately content desert witch.
There's something delightfully impressive about achieving this level of detail in a medium not know for its level of detail.
It's also very relatable that he always gravitates toward the animals in the house whenever he's at a party. *raises hand* It me.
Anyone that can visually describe the absurdity of life as a baseball fan in 2020 deserves more followers. Though I hate baseball, so it's no more or less absurd than it is any other year in my book. Sorry, Matt! You let me write the emails, you're gonna have to deal with some jokes about how terrible baseball is!