March 29, 2021

Boredwalk Community: I'm Almost 40 and I Hate Wearing Pants

Welcome back to our weekly Boredwalk Community series, where we ask Boredwalk fans fun questions! This week we're talking to Malorii R., seen here feeling victimized by the void in her favorite Boredwalk fleece sweatshirt!

1. What's your actual day job and what's your dream day job?

I help cultivate cannabis in Arizona.

My dream job, I would have to say High Priestess in a Cannabis Cult. We would live in an estate-sized commune. We would have cook outs, grow cannabis, and people would give me money to hear my philosophy on how everything is meaningless and it would be better to do drugs about it.

2. What's your biggest pet peeve?


3. What's the most useful piece of advice you've ever received?

Always keep a good flashlight, like a mag light. You can whack someone over the head with it, and find things easier in low lighting. They're way more useful than people give them credit for. 

4. If you could have any super power what would it be and why?

I would want to be invisible. I could avoid my weird neighbors. They like to have conversations at me, and quite randomly. Sometimes when I take out my trash, there is this super old dude and he comes out of his house to tell me he took care of the weeds in my yard. I think it's nice, I'd just like it a whole lot better if I could make it to the dumpster holding a heavy bag of used kitty litter without having to smile and nod for 10 minutes at the super chatty dude. If I was invisible I could just take my trash out and then go back to my house where I could take my pants back off. I hate wearing pants.

5. You can curse your nemesis with a minor annoyance for eternity; what do you choose?

I would curse her with a loose booty hole. Like if she sneezes, or laughs too hard she'd do a little "wet surprise fart."

Not like full-on shits her pants or anything — just enough for a little too much booty juice to come out. That way she's mildly uncomfortable and would like to find a restroom to fix the inconvenience as it drys and gets itchy. Also that would run up her laundry bill. She'd probably get wicked skidmarks and have to go through tons of extra underpants.

Ladies underpants can be expensive. Some ladies have to buy the bougie organic cotton kind, or else they're going to have a stanky lady garden.

6. What experience do you most want to cross off your bucket list?

Paying off my student loans.

7. If you drink: what's your go-to drink? If you don't drink: what's your go-to dessert or snack?

I started drinking anything chardonnay because it's the lowest carb count. I'm on keto and it sucks, but the Dollar General across the street doesn't judge me when I pay $3.08 in laundry quarters and loose change, so that's my go-to drink.

I only drink when my coworkers make me want to wander off into the desert and shoot myself.

8. What's a surprising fact about you?

People think I'm a barely mentally functioning adult, when in fact I'm almost 40 and I hate wearing pants.

9. Where can the rest of the Boredwalk community find you?

I'm on instagram at @ghost.with.a.hoop

And I make an ungodly amount of playlists on Soundcloud.