🍫 Candy is dandy...

...BUT BRANDY ALEXANDERS
ARE QUICKER 🍸

Happy National Hot Chocolate Day! And if you're of the opinion that candy is dandy but liquor is quicker, Happy Brandy Alexander Day!

Fun fact: the Brandy Alexander was John Lennon's favorite tipple, and his carousing pal Harry Nilsson is who introduced them to him!

It is also Eat Your Brussels Sprouts Day, if that interests you, I guess.

Before we get to today's sweet link roundup, let's acknowledge some notable events and birthdays from January 31sts of yore! If today happens to be YOUR birthday, I hope it is a happy one full of chocolatey delights! (Unless you are allergic, in which case I hope it is full of some OTHER, secret delight of your choosing.)

• On this day in 1988 Doug Williams became the first Black quarterback to play in a Super Bowl, as he led my hometown Washington Commanders to victory over the Denver Broncos in Super Bowl XXII. I was only a tyke at the time, but I remember being pretty stoked about this.

• Birthday hot chocolate all around for: Dentist and Western novelist Zane Grey of Riders of the Purple Sage fame (1872), baseball icon and Hall of Fame second baseman Jackie Robinson (1919), actress, singer, and dancer Carol Channing of Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and Hello, Dolly! fame (1921), journalist & author Norman Mailer (1923), Chicago Cubs Hall of Fame infielder Ernie "Let's play two!" Banks (1931), singer-songwriter Harry Wayne Casey of disco luminaries K.C. and the Sunshine Band (1951), English singer-songwriter John Lydon of the Sex Pistols and Public Image, Ltd. (1956), Scottish author & screenwriter Grant Morrison of The Invisibles fame (1960), English singer-songwriter & guitarist Lloyd Cole (1961), English singer-songwriter & actress Minnie Driver of Good Will Hunting, Grosse Pointe Blank, and The Riches fame (1970), actress Kerry Washington of Scandal fame (1977), and singer-songwriter & actor Justin Timberlake of gaslighting Britney fame (1981)

• Pour out a Brandy Alexander for: English conspirator and mask inspiration Guy Fawkes (d. 1606), English author, poet, and playwright A.A. Milne of Winnie-the-Pooh fame (d. 1956), and Motown composer & songwriter Anna Gordy Gaye (d. 2014)

Look, the mask that bears his name is cool an' all, but let's not forget that this stylish edgelord was really just a religious zealot who was executed for trying to replace Protestant King James with his 9-year old daughter Elizabeth and then force her to marry some crusty old Catholic dude of his choosing. Smells like textbook patriarchal establishmentarianism to me!

GIF courtesy of V for Vendetta / Warner Bros. Pictures

Now on to the amusing links!

*****

 1. 🧙🏼‍♀️ Tess has a fever...

...and the only prescription is moving to a secluded castle in the forest!

For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.

2. 🐶 Cute dog! Is it a charcuterie?

Matt Conaghan is a freshly minted thousandaire, and he is here to brag about his recent windfall!

3. 🍝 When you're here, you're miserable!

Actor & comedian Chaz May portrays a day in the life of an Olive Garden patron.

4. 🔴 Seeing (and eating!) red

Comedy creator Tyler Bender walks us through the next diet craze that will be sweeping the nation: Red 40 maxing!

5. 🦙 Boyfriend trouble? Replace him with a llama!

Next time the pocket-hoarding man in your life gives you grief about carrying your stuff, just remind him how replaceable he is.

*****

We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...