December 13, 2021

Getting antsy for your holiday gifts to arrive? 😬

Black Hoodie with the words everything is temporary


And so it begins. We're thirteen days out from the day when real and fake trees alike inexplicably sprout inside of domiciles and start pooping presents, and already our inbox is crammed with frantic emails from procrastinators begging us to bend space/time and teleport stuff around the globe because a fixed date on the calendar somehow snuck up on them (again). Where's my Christmas spirit? Ask this guy:

Krampus sipping coffee GIF

Yeah, caff up, Krampus. You're gonna be busy the next couple weeks.

I jest! (Kind of.)

We are working our tails off printing and shipping stuff out this week — as are the good people of USPS, FedEx, UPS, and the rest of the logistical industrial complex — but if time is really of the essence and the people on your gift-giving list are more Veruca Salt than Charlie Bucket and there is a real concern that your holiday shrub will be set ablaze in a fit of impatience, you may be better off just going the gift card route. Problem solved! As the hoodie up top says, everything is temporary, including shipping delays. 

In any event, today happens to be both National Ice Cream Day and National Cocoa Day, which on the face of it sounds delicious, but in reality is probably the result of collusion between Big Frozen Dessert and Big Hot Beverage attempting to dupe us all into an infinite loop of being too hot and too cold and spiraling out of control as we keep buying both to tweak our internal temperature. What suckers we are! 


OK, birthday time! Let's consume some ice cream and/or cocoa in honor of:

• Former First Lady Mary Todd Lincoln, born this day in 1818! 

• Actor, comedian, singer, and dancer Dick Van Dyke, born this day in 1925!

• Actor Christopher Plummer, born this day in 1929!

• Actor Steve Buscemi, born this day in 1957!

• Actor, comedian, and singer Jamie Foxx, born this day in 1967!

• Musician and UFO enthusiast Tom DeLonge, born this day in 1975!

• Singer, songwriter, and cultural icon Taylor Swift, born this day in 1989!


Alrighty! Time to scroll down and learn a bit about fellow Boredwalk fan Joel M.! If you'd like to be featured in our Monday Q&A segment, reply to this email and let me know and I'll send you some fun questions!

We'll be back in your inbox on Wednesday morning with links to fun distractions! If you're in a shopping mood or still have people on your list to get gifts for, be sure to use the code YAY10 at checkout to save 10% on orders of $100 or more! (Not on gift cards, though. No one does that. That's not a thing.) Until next time...

Peace, love, and patience,


Joel looking unimpressed in his Hard Pass tee.

1. What's your biggest pet peeve?

People who can't admit to/own up to being wrong. There is nothing wrong with being wrong. It is literally how we learn.

2. What's a life pro tip the Boredwalk community needs to know?

Ask questions. Its foundational to intelligence and life for that matter.

3. If you could have any super power what would it be and why?

Super intelligence. (Seeing a theme?) There is no problem that can't be reasoned out. Except fission. You can't think your way out of fission.

4. You can curse your nemesis with a minor annoyance for eternity; what do you choose?

Every time they lie, they burb and fart.

(Editor's note: That's a lot of hot air emanating from one person!)

5. What experience do you most want to cross off your bucket list?

Seeing some place so beautiful it can't be expressed in words, again. I miss it and it fades with age.

6. What is a surprising fact about you?

That I accept, not tolerate, everyone for who they are. For some reason people assume I don't. Driven me nuts for years. Then people find out that simple fact and are blown away by it like it's some huge mystery. Made some good friends because of it, though.

7. Clear up a misconception (about your job, where you are from, some other topic you know a lot about).

Misconceptions…Not all people who grew up in Texas are crazy, intolerant, gun nuts. Donnie Darko is about the mom, not the son. Not all books are better than the movie, and good food is about love and not ingredients.

8. Where can the rest of the Boredwalk community find you?

Where to find me…hmmm. Don't know, honestly. When I figure it out I will let you know. Right now I keep all my toys in Beaverton, Oregon. That's in the outer spiral arm of a third rate galaxy. It's the third rock from the sun, little blue green thing. You can't miss it.


My uncle was a set carpenter on the original Star Wars. We got to go to the premier in New York. I wound up running the Betamax machine. Lucas noticed and got a kick out of it, so I got to hang out with him and ask questions about Star Wars. I was 5 at the time and bright for my age so he asked me to name an alien. So I picked Jar-Jar Binks because he and another man were drinking out of jelly jars and 'binking' them together. There's a lot more to that story if your interested.

('s that for a mic drop?!)