IT'S NATIONAL TOOTH FAIRY DAY
I would love to have sat in on the pitch meeting for the Tooth Fairy. I imagine it went something like...
"So it's a fairy who breaks into children's bedrooms and steals their teeth!"
"WTF? Like out of their mouths?"
"No, first the teeth fall out, then the fairy steals them from under the child's pillow, but leaves a few coins in place of the teeth."
"Why does it want teeth? What is it doing with the teeth?"
"No, first the teeth fall out, then the fairy steals them from under the child's pillow, but leaves a few coins in place of the teeth."
"Why does it want teeth? What is it doing with the teeth?"
"It collects them!"
"For f*ck's sake, Jim, that sounds sinister! You think parents are going to go for this?! Sounds like a horror movie!"
"For f*ck's sake, Jim, that sounds sinister! You think parents are going to go for this?! Sounds like a horror movie!"
Was there cocaine involved with this idea? Because this sounds like cocaine talking.
Anyway, teeth are a bullsh!t body part. You gotta scrub 'em like a crime scene multiple times per day, take 'em to a specialist multiple times per year, and they'll still probably act up and cost money and cause aggravation. The rest of my flesh prison doesn't demand nearly this level of attention.
I'll tell you who has teeth figured out: freaking sharks. They just go chomping through the ocean, shedding teeth willynilly, and growing replacements like it's a broken fingernail. I want that.
And if this Tooth Fairy had any sense, she'd make her way to the sea where sharks are just giving away teeth and don't even care to be compensated for them. Tooth Fairy is even worse at running her enterprise than I am at running Boredwalk. Wasting her time sneaking into kids' rooms and buying teeth when there's a whole ocean floor covered with teeth for the taking!
This lucky son of a gun has unlimited teeth and I'm just tryna hang onto my very finite 32 chompers.
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Want a few August 22nd historical facts and famous birthdays? Let's do it!
• Famous birthdays: comedian/TV host James Corden (1978), actress/comedian/writer Kristen Wiig (1973), singer-songwriter Tori Amos (1963), writer Dorothy Parker (1893), and writer Ray Bradbury (1920)
• It was on this day in 1902 that the Cadillac Company formed in Detroit. On the same day President Theodore Roosevelt became the first US President to ride in an automobile in public.
• On this day in 1987 Madonna's "Who's That Girl" became a No. 1 single
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Alright! Scroll on down to learn a bit about fellow Boredwalk fan Alexis S.! If you'd like to be featured in an upcoming Monday email (and are a customer with some Boredwalk tees, tanks, hoodies, towels, bags, or books to show off), just reply to this and let us know, and we'll send you some fun questions to answer (along with our undying gratitude)!
We'll be back here in your inbox on Wednesday with some more random holidays to observe, historical tidbits to acknowledge, and fun links to entertaining content! Until next time...
Peace, love, and teeth,
Meredith
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Alexis looking (presumably) slightly less aggrieved than usual with her Grievance Journal.
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1. What's your actual day job and what's your dream day job?
My actual day job matches pretty closely with my dream job. I own and operate three companies including ChaiDirect.com, Stetina Solutions, and C.O.I.L. Fitness. I love this because I get to make my own hours and be my own boss. There is nothing like the freedom of saying "Nope!" to a prospective client who doesn't appreciate and value you!
I also hold certifications in Life and Wellness Coaching and am looking to work with clients who really want to grow with a coach that talks real talk. (Hit me up, if that's you)! That would be the ultimate dream job! Watching people have those 'a-ha' moments is priceless! Taking all of the trauma and pain that I have gone through and turning into diamonds to help other people is why I believe I am here in this life. 2. What's your biggest pet peeve?
Ugh, only one? Okay, okay, has to be when people don't finish their sentences when talking. It's like they just
3. What's the most useful piece of advice you've ever received?
Again, just one!?
I have to go with The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls because it really gives you perspective on just how many of us grew up in nonstable homes and helps ya not feel so alone.
Also, my autobiography, The Winds of Change, for the same reason.
4. If you could have any super power what would it be and why?
Invisibility! No question! So I could go in public without having to talk to anyone. I remember the old Twilight Zone episode where if you broke the law, instead of putting you in prison they stuck a mark on your head to make you 'invisible' and no one could acknowledge your existence. I remember watching this as a child wondering why the hell Rod Serling would think this was a punishment.
(Editor's note: I feel this, but I also acknowledge that there are times where a lot of us wish we were being seen by the right people, i.e., supportive, encouraging non-jerks.)
5. You can curse your nemesis with a minor annoyance for eternity; what do you choose?
Mosquitoes. Definitely mosquitoes.
(Oof, as someone who's been plagued by an itchy welt on the top of my left foot for the last week, this hits hard!)
6. What experience do you most want to cross off your bucket list?
This is easy: To die without regret. I grab life by the horns and ride it hard every single day!
7. What is something you wish you could go back in time and say to your younger self?
It will get better, don't give up.
8. If you drink, what's your go-to beverage? If you don't drink, what's your go-to snack?
Don't drink anymore. So, has to be a giant Cinnabon with extra icing.
9. Clear up a misconception (about your job, where you are from, some other topic you know a lot about).
I'm originally from Wisconsin and can tell you that there is not a bar on every corner.
There are at least two.
(Sounds like half of them should be converted to Cinnabons for balance.)
9. Where can the rest of the Boredwalk community find you?
I'm including links to my book, my website, my FB and YouTube. Hit me up for coaching, chai, or anything else you want to talk about. So grateful to be a part of this awesome community! You are all amazing!!!
Chai Direct: The Chai Tea Experts
All chai, all the time. |
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