January 15, 2024

😋 We don't just like Thanksgiving...

...WE RELISH IT

Happy National Cranberry Relish Day!

Assuming you're an enthusiast, that is. Cranberry relish and/or jelly seems to be one of the more polarizing side dishes of a traditional Thanksgiving spread. I'm not the pickiest eater, but I have strong opinions about food and am ambivalent about cranberry-themed sides. I'm fairly indifferent to the canned jelly, but I've had some pretty bad homemade and store-bought cranberry relishes, which is why I prefer to make my own, which I love. Even better, the leftover relish really levels up vanilla ice cream!

It's also National Jukebox Day, which is quaint and sweet. I wonder if decades from now someone will try to make National Playlist Day a thing?

Chaotic-Evil pro tip: Next time you're about to leave a bar or restaurant with a functioning jukebox, buy $5 worth of the most polarizing song available as a treat for the remaining patrons & staff! Bonus points if it's Chumbawamba's 'Tubthumping' or Don McLean's 'American Pie'!

Schitt's Creek make it stop GIF

Bwahahahahahaha! No.
GIF courtesy of Schitt's Creek / Pop TV

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Alright, before we get to those links, let's take note of some famous events and birthdays from November 22nds of yore. Maybe yours! If it is, happy birthday! 

• In 1718 Royal Navy Lieutenant Robert Maynard attacked & boarded the vessels of British pirate Edward "Blackbeard" Teach off the coast of North Carolina. Among the casualties was Blackbeard himself. Sad! (I guess. Maybe he was a jerk?)

• In 1943 Lebanon gained independence from France, two years after it was first announced by the Free French government

• In 1963 U.S. President John F. Kennedy was assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald. Vice President Lyndon B. Johnson was sworn in as the 36th President of the United States shortly afterwards.

• Birthday morsels all around for: English novelist & poet Mary Ann "George Eliot" Evans of Silas Marner and Middlemarch fame (1819), French general and President Charles de Gaulle (1890), singer-songwriter, pianist, and actor Hoagy Carmichael of 'Stardust', 'Georgia On My Mind', and 'Heart and Soul' fame (1899), comedian & actor Rodney Dangerfield of Caddyshack and Back to School fame (1921), American-English actor & filmmaker Terry Gilliam of Monty Python fame (1940), tennis legend and feminist icon Billie Jean King (1943), singer-songwriter, guitarist, producer, and actor Steven Van Zandt of E Street Band, The Sopranos, and Lilyhammer fame (1950), Talking Heads and Tom Tom Club singer-songwriter & bass player Tina Weymouth (1950), actress and horror cinema legend Jamie Lee Curtis (1958), Cuban-American rapper Sen Dog of Cypress Hill fame (1965), Danish actor Mads Mikkelsen of Casino Royale, Hannibal, and Valhalla Rising fame (1965), actor Michael K. "Omar comin'!" Williams of The Wire fame (1966), actor Mark Ruffalo of 13 Going On 30 fame (1967), software engineer and Napster founder Shawn Fanning of killing the pre-2000 music industry fame (1980), and actress Scarlett Johansson of Lost In Translation, Ghost World, and Arachnophobia fame (1984)

• Pour one out for: the aforementioned Blackbeard (d. 1718), actor & comedian Shemp Howard of Three Stooges fame (d. 1955), English novelist & philosopher Aldous Huxley of The Doors of Perception and Brave New World fame (d. 1963), U.S. President John F. Kennedy (d. 1963), British writer & theologian C.S. Lewis of The Chronicles of Narnia fame (d. 1963), actress Mae West (d. 1980), English novelist Anthony Burgess of A Clockwork Orange fame (d. 1993), and Australian singer-songwriter Michael Hutchence of INXS fame (d. 1997)

Now on to the amusing links!

*****

1. 😈 The algorithms have NO sense of humor

Tess, Grace, and Josh on the Boredwalk creator team (with occasional cameos from me and my co-founder Meredith) have been doing some of their BEST work lately — truly laugh-out-loud funny videos, like this one of Tess attempting to demonically possess Josh and me — that the FB, IG, and TikTok algorithms just refuse to show people.

I'm bookending this list with another one, but if you're new to Boredwalk I strongly encourage you to scroll through our feeds this week when you're trying to avoid family drama or slink away from the table before the asparagus mousse is served. You won't be disappointed! (Except by the asparagus mousse.)

For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.

2. 🫣 Art historians are BIG MAD about this one!

Portrait painter and muralist Emma Kenny was commissioned to alter some old paintings for a new concept bar in Glasgow, Scotland, and hoo boy, are there some VERY upset art historians and preservationists losing their marbles in the comments, even though the captions clearly state that the bar sourced and owns ALL of these originals and ASKED Emma to do this.

It would be one thing if the original artists were still alive and were the ones complaining about this project, but they've all been dead for centuries. I guarantee you they do not care.

3. 😱 Just in time for the holidays — the Elf on the Shelf gets a makeover!

Self-taught sculptor Anthony — aka Ace of Clay — repurposes an Elf on the Shelf doll to make something a bit more Nightmare Before Christmas than Night Before Christmas. You can follow him on TikTok or Instagram for shorter clips of his process, but he's so talented I thought I should link to the full process video on his YouTube channel. Enjoy!

4. 😼 We'll see how long this gingerbread house lasts...

Crafter Emma Movius constructed a gingerbread house for her cats, and it is VERY impressive! 

5. 👻 A retirement plan for the rest of us

Worried you'll never be able to afford that dream home (or any home)? Josh lays out a compelling scheme to turn your dream into an incorporeal reality — die in a mansion!

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OK! We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...

Peace, love, and Thanksgiving sides you actually like,
Matt