January 14, 2022

Well, this about sums it up: 🗑️🔥

Men's T-shirt with the words Trapped in an Abyss of Waking Nightmares


This is normally the part of the email where I tell you what weird national observance coincides with today's date on the calendar. Instead I'd like to propose a new occasion.We can call it National Don't Ask "How Are You" Unless You Mean It Day.

Okay, that's a mouthful, but I am running low on creative energy, so that's the working title.

Dear reader, I am horrible. Most people seem to be right now. Everything feels extremely bleak in the world, and you if you're already a person who tends towards a gloomy disposition, it's a lot. So please — dental office assistants, vendors, salespeople in my inbox — please stop asking how I am. I don't want to get into it and I don't want to pretend everything is fine. I am barely holding things together, please do not poke the impending breakdown.

Child kicking and screaming on the ground

This is me on the inside right now, while still trying to appear to go about my day.

Anyway, I did look up what everone else considers "occasions" today, and the first thing that popped up: Feast of the Ass Day! I wish I were making this up. Look, this whole decade has been a feast of ass. No more please, I am full.

It's also National Dress Up Your Pet Day, so I guess do that if your pet is into it. Whatever it takes to distract ourselves from our painful shared consciousness, right?


Famous birthdays? Coming right up.

 • Rapper, producer, and actor  LL Cool J, born today in 1986! I hear he needs love. Don't we all?

• Actor, director, and producer Jason Bateman, born in 1969! (And still somehow boyishly adorable.)

• Foo Fighter Dave Grohl, born today in 1969! This Bateman birthday twin will never be your monkey wrench!

Actress Faye Dunaway, born today in 1941!

• Ancient Roman politician and loverboy of Cleopatra Mark Antony, born today in 83 BC!


Alright! We'll be back in your inbox Monday with a new Boredwalk Community Q&A, more famous birthdays, a random holiday or two, and other assorted entertainment! Until next time...

Peace, love, and nightmares,