September 14, 2023

ūüė¨ Whatever you do today...

...PLEASE LET IT NOT BE THIS

Apparently today is National Hug Your Boss Day. I don't know which is more inexplicable: 

‚ÄĘ The fact that this rando occasion is still a thing in 2023, given the modern mine field of intra-office propriety we all have to navigate, or
 
‚ÄĘ That this isn't some legacy occasion from the 1950s invented by some creep of a middle manager, but actually was only first observed in 2008 thanks to some job hunting website in the UK that looks like it hasn't been updated¬†since¬†2008
 
Look, you do you, but if I may be so bold as to dispense some unsolicited career advice: unless you're a nepo baby and your boss is your dear old granny, DO NOT HUG THEM.
Doctor Who anti-hugging GIF
I'm with The Doctor.
 
GIF via Doctor Who/BBC
Now, today is also National Peanut Day, so in lieu of hugs, consider presenting your boss with a peanutty treat instead. Unless they are allergic to peanuts, in which case it's probably best to just abort this mission entirely. Though if you hate your boss, maybe presenting them with a peanutty treat will solve a lot of workplace problems for you.*
Even better, force your kid(s) to make the treat, since today is also National Kids Take Over The Kitchen Day! Not only will you get to take the credit for their culinary labor, but you'll have some plausible deniability baked** into your alibi if said allergy makes an unfortunate appearance during a staff meeting. Win-win!
* Please don't kill your boss with peanuts and blame it on this email. Just get a new job if it's that bad.
** Boredwalk emails: come for the amusing links, stay for the gastronomic murder puns.
Speaking of allergies, today is ALSO National Celiac Disease Awareness Day! I am aware that I would be very upset if I could no longer eat bread or drink beer, but I am also aware that gluten-free versions of both continue to improve in quality every year, so if you have celiac yourself I hope you celebrate accordingly with something GF and delicious!
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Before we get to this week's amusing links, let's celebrate some famous birthdays and historical events from September 13ths of yore!
‚ÄĘ In 1788¬†The Philadelphia Convention set the date¬†for the first presidential election in the United States, and New York City became the country's temporary capital. (Gross.)
‚ÄĘ In 1814¬†the British failed to capture Baltimore, which became a turning point in the War of 1812. During the battle Francis Scott Key composed his poem "Defense of Fort McHenry," which was later set to music and became the United States' national anthem. (Yet another example of Baltimore's superiority to New York.)
‚ÄĘ In 1848 Vermont railroad worker¬†Phineas Gage took an iron rod through the brain and survived, but the resulting changes to his behavior and personality sparked discussion in the medical community about the brain and its functions. (Gage forevermore features prominently in Psych 101 courses across the land.)
‚ÄĘ In 1948¬†Margaret Chase Smith was elected United States senator, becoming the first woman to serve in both the US House of Representatives and the US Senate (representing the state of Maine in both instances)
‚ÄĘ In 1985¬†Super Mario Bros.¬†was released¬†in Japan for the Nintendo Entertainment System, launching the Super Mario game franchise
‚Äʬ†Gluten-free/nut-free (can never be too careful) birthday cake all around for:¬†Businessman¬†Milton S. Hershey¬†of chocolate bar & theme park fame (1857), British novelist¬†Roald Dahl¬†(1916; yeah, I know, but sometimes you gotta separate the art from the artist), singer-songwriter¬†Ray Charles¬†(1918), singer-songwriter & actor¬†Mel Torm√©¬†(1925), Pop Art painter & sculptor¬†Robert Indiana¬†(1928), animation legend¬†Don Bluth¬†of¬†The Secret of NIMH,¬†An American Tail, and¬†The Land Before Time¬†fame (1937), actor¬†Richard Kiel, aka Jaws, of¬†The Spy Who Loved Me,¬†Moonraker, and¬†Happy Gilmore¬†fame (1939), English actress¬†Jacqueline Bisset¬†of¬†Bullitt,¬†The Deep, and¬†Murder on the Orient Express¬†fame (1944), singer-songwriter, bass player, and soft rock star of the 70s and 80s¬†Peter Cetera¬†(1944), actress¬†Jean Smart¬†(1951), disco icon¬†Randy "The Cowboy" Jones¬†of The Village People (1952), singer-songwriter, guitarist, and thrash metal icon¬†Dave Mustaine¬†of the bands Metallica and Megadeth (1961), English drummer and Ringo-spawn¬†Zak Starkey¬†(1965), Jane's Addiction and Porno For Pyros drummer¬†Stephen Perkins¬†(1967), filmmaker & actor¬†Tyler Perry¬†(1969), English fashion designer and Paul-spawn¬†Stella McCartney¬†(1971), singer-songwriter¬†Fiona Apple¬†(1977), rapper & producer¬†Swizz Beatz¬†(1978), and Irish singer-songwriter¬†Niall Horan¬†of One Direction fame (1993)
‚Äʬ†Pour out a gluten-free beer for:¬†Canadian-American farmer, businessman, and Walt & Roy sire¬†Elias Disney¬†(d. 1941), rapper¬†Tupac Shakur¬†(d. 1996), musician¬†Eddie Money¬†of 'Two Tickets To Paradise' and 'Take Me Home Tonight' fame (d. 2019), and French New Wave cinema icon¬†Jean-Luc Godard¬†(d. 2022)
Now on to the amusing links!
1. ūüėą¬†Chill dude, it's just underworld talk
 
Tess just shares some harmless banter overheard in the devil's locker room, nbd.
 
For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok and/or YouTube.
2. ūüßĎūüŹĹ‚Äć‚öĖÔłŹ¬†Speaking of the devil ‚ÄĒ¬†who's his lawyer?
 
Mental health content creator Maia Kinney Petrucha is applying for the job.
 
Digital creator Cory Pech knows that revenge is a dish best served with minimal effort.
 
Jack Peabody asks the eternal question.
 
...but feel free to roast them as you see fit! Creator Anna Kai has some choice words for a recent troll that are universally applicable. Huzzah!
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OK! We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday ‚ÄĒ possibly with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...

Peace, love, and allergen-free treats,

Matt