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Boredwalk Community: Mortuary Science
1. What's your actual day job and what's your dream day job?
Right now I'm a full-time mortuary science student, studying to become a funeral director and embalmer. I'm also employed at a funeral home as a wake attendant, and I'm a semiprofessional film critic through my podcast, The Neon Movie Bunker.
My dream day job would probably be working in some capacity at The Criterion Collection, helping to perpetuate film nerdom. (Ed. note: Interesting! Curious as to how you got into this line of work...)
2. What's your biggest pet peeve?
Anytime the temperature gets above 65 degrees. (Oh boy, does this resonate right now. I'm sitting in on my couch typing this in an 81 degree living room because our A/C went out Saturday morning. Hopefully it gets fixed soon!)
3. If you could have any super power what would it be and why?
Hmm…I'd have to say teleportation, even though I just read a really good book (Point B, by Drew Magary) about what a nightmare it would be if everyone could teleport. But yeah, the ability to travel without transport times would definitely be appreciated.
4. You can curse your nemesis with a minor annoyance for eternity; what do you choose?
Getting ABBA's "Waterloo" stuck in their head as a permanent earworm. (Savage!)
5. What experience do you most want to cross off your bucket list?
I'd like to go to the observation deck of the Burj Khalifa in Dubai (the tallest building in the world). (Yikes! I get freaked out on stepladders. That's all you, my friend.)
6. Clear up a misconception (about your job, where you are from, some other topic you know a lot about).
If you have some kind of grand idea or plan for your funeral, don't put it in your will. Discuss it beforehand with a funeral director so that when the time comes, plans are already in place. (Solid advice! Don't leave some elaborate chore for your loved ones...unless they're terrible people, in which case go right ahead requesting a skull-shaped bouncy house with Oingo Boingo performing 'Dead Man's Party' next to your casket.)
7. Where can the rest of the Boredwalk community find you?
I tweet occasionally at @JohnNMB and my podcast is available weekly at www.neonmoviebunker.com
LET'S GET WEIRD!
It's Wednesday! Well, technically it's Tuesday as I type this, but I'm not much of a morning person so I typically write these the night before. Just think of me as your (sort of) time-traveling compadre.
Let's cut to the chase — I know you're itching to get to the links, and I'm thirsty for an end-of-day cocktail, so let's cut some birthday cake!
• Let's wish an out-of-this-world birthday to astronaut (and first human to walk on the Moon) Neil Armstrong, born this day in 1930! What a guy!
That's pretty much it. I mean, sure, other people were born on August 5th — maybe even you! — but again, I'm thirsty, and we have all these fun links to click!
*****
File under: so this is how the ultra-wealthy spend their money. While on one hand I appreciate the level of obsession involved with trying to make chocolate chips even more delicious than they already are, this article also made it painfully clear that at a certain income level you're bound to lose your marbles. I don't care if they're in the shape of Michelangelo's David, I'm not paying 900% more for a bag of chocolate chips because some highfalutin' pastry chef thinks the store brand is too "waxy looking" when it's heated in the oven.*
*But if someone else buys them for me I will absolutely eat them.
2. Self-described "Goddess of Go-Go" Toni Basil is going to teach us all how to be boss go-go dancers.
Mickey may be "so fine", but he also needs a new pair of shoes, apparently, so Toni Basil is trying to drum up the scratch for that via Zoom classes designed to teach us all how to be go-go dancers extraordinaire. If you're unfamiliar with Toni OR 'Mickey', here you go.
Look, I love the work of Shel Silverstein as much as the next late-stage Millennial, but the inherent lack of boundaries on display in his classic The Giving Tree is easily the most reached-for item in the narcissistic parent toolbox when trying to make kids feel guilty about existing. Bravo to Topher for calling this nonsense out via his reimagining thereof, entitled The Tree Who Set Healthy Boundaries.
Also, while the alternate endings are free to download & print out, he does ask that if you enjoy them that you please consider making a donation to the Atlanta Artist Relief Fund, which is helping to support artists who have lost their main sources of income as a result of Covid-19. Yay, worthy causes!
I'm not one to play dress-up myself, but I can't knock the appeal it holds for the diehard cosplayers out there. If you've ever wondered if you, too, could look like an extra from the original Star Trek series or Lost In Space, guess what? You can!
One of the reasons I find this new book noteworthy is that, like me, R. Sikoryak is something of a generalist. Could they specialize in one specific, cohesive illustration style? Sure, but then they'd miss out on trying on all sorts of different styles! It makes perfect sense that you'd want to draw Powerman himself, Mr. Luke Cage, busting out of shackles to explain the 13th Amendment, or Daddy Warbucks explaining Congressional compensation to Annie. So I suppose I was wrong when I said I wasn't one for dress-up — I just manifest it differently.
Boredwalk Community: "Bloom Where You're Planted"
1. What's your actual day job and what's your dream day job?
I'm a part-time writer and a full-time K-7 Art teacher at an all-girls Quaker school in New England. My dream job, though, is to be a tugboat captain. (Ed. note: I love this idea, but engines scare me. Maybe I'll opt for rowboat captain.)
2. What's your biggest pet peeve?
Mean people. I just don't understand them. Do they need more hugs? A puppy? Someone to tell them that they matter and are important? I'm happy to help them out if they would just stop making other people miserable. (Right? Some of us are trying to have a society here.)
3. What's a book you think the Boredwalk community should read?
Since you asked, I wrote a trilogy that makes for a fun summer read. It's called the Merrow Trilogy. Here's an amazing summary by Barnes & Noble book blogger, Nicole Hill: "You know what's great about Rigney's horror-ific (that's horror-filled and terrific), hysterical debut novel? Besides the bloodthirsty merfolk, our antihero protagonist is an overweight, drunk, subpar mother, who also happens to be a funeral director. I can't even describe the premise of this book without getting giddy, because how many times does a plot involve both vicious mermaids and Rhode Island colonists?" (Bloodthirsty merfolk? I mean, I'm sold...)
4. What's the most useful piece of advice you've ever received?
There have been plenty of times where I've landed in situations and thought, how did I get here and what the hell am I going to do now? But, I've always looked around and made the best of things because my mom always told me, "Bloom where you're planted" and my dad said, "Don't ever let the bastards get you down."
5. If you could have any super power what would it be and why?
Shapeshifter, hands down. It would save me so much money on hair dye and makeup. (I think this is the first time anyone's responded with shapeshifter, but that's an excellent pick!)
6. You can curse your nemesis with a minor annoyance for eternity; what do you choose?
Mockingbirds at 3 AM for the rest of eternity. LOUD mockingbirds.
7. What experience do you most want to cross off your bucket list?
To live and paint in Italy. Every day I want to walk to a little village and just chat up some old, adorable, Italian men —preferably while drinking lots of local wine.
8. Where can the rest of the Boredwalk community find you?
I'm mostly on Instagram @mermaidslovesushi, but I also have a website: www.heatherrigney.com