News
Last(ish) call for guaranteed(ish) holiday cheer! 🎁
NOT REALLY, BUT ALSO SORT OF?
Happy National Cupcake Day! Here's a fun little fact I discovered while researching content for today's email: Even though they've been kicking around in some form since the late 1700s, it wasn't until the 1950s when Winston Churchill of all people first suggested cupcakes be frosted! Who knew that gruff old curmudgeon was such a softy for sweets?
While we're at it, happy National Lemon Cupcake Day! Apparently these dainty cakes fancy a bit of double-dipping on December 15th. Despite lemon being a flavor commonly associated with summertime, winter is prime citrus season when lemons are at peak deliciousness, so we'll allow it.
Finally, happy National Regifting Day! If you were on the receiving end of a less-than-desirable tribute courtesy of a recent white elephant gift exchange, consider regifting it to someone who may appreciate it more so you can make room for something you REALLY want (like, say, some Boredwalk merch *hint hint*).
I encourage you to act with haste, though — because of how the calendar shook out this year, the 25th is one week from Monday, so you're cutting it close! We can ship out our Delve Decks, Grievance Journals, and activity books "lickety-split" as the young kids say,* but printing the towels, tees, bags, and hoodies takes longer since those aren't just sitting on a shelf waiting to packed up. We print all those to order about 50 feet from where I'm typing! Bear this in mind while you're loading up your virtual Santa sack this morning and over the weekend!
* Don't dispute my knowledge of youth slang — I know what's hip! By the way, would you care for a butterscotch? It's warm from being in my cardigan pocket all day!
And don't forget to use code SAVE15 at checkout for 15% off orders of $95+, not to mention free U.S. shipping on orders of $75+ — no code needed!
*****
In a bittersweet episode, I bid farewell to Josh Patton from Boredwalk's content team. Apparently making funny videos wearing cool shirts is not as compelling as Josh's plan to become a super-powered grasshopper who farms cannabis and moonlights as the President of the United States. Dream big if you're going to dream at all!
We then discuss the cognitive dissonance of people who get upset that creators usually have jobs making content for multiple brands in order to make ends meet, internet trolls who don't understand how satire & parody work, and read a nice review from Cindy W. about how much she loves her Grievance Journal!
We then react to fan responses to the recent Question of the Day "What job doesn't exist now, but will probably exist in the future?" Answers ranged from 'viable 3rd party candidates' to 'emotional support humans for AI chatbots' to the aforementioned super-powered insectoid cannabis farmers.
We wrap things up by trading questions from our newly released Delve Deck expansions!
From the Venting Edition, "What are you too hard on yourself about?" and from the Joy Edition, "What's the luckiest thing that ever happened to you?" Have a listen to find out our answers!
*****
Alright! Let's send you off into the weekend with some notable events and famous birthdays from December 15ths of yore! If that includes yours, happy birthday to you! Celebrate with a cupcake!
• In 1791 the United States Bill of Rights — the collective nickname for the first 10 amendments to the U.S. Constitution — became law when it was ratified by the Virginia General Assembly
• In 1973 the American Psychiatric Association voted unanimously (13-0) to remove homosexuality from its official list of psychiatric disorders, which is definitely worth celebrating — perhaps also with cupcakes!
• Birthday cupcakes all around for: Roman emperor & fiddle enthusiast Nero (37), French architect & engineer Gustave Eiffel of Parisian tower fame (1832), author & playwright Betty Smith of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn fame (1896), radio host, DJ, and rock 'n' roll evangelist Alan Freed (1921), English drummer & songwriter Dave Clark of The Dave Clark Five (1939), English singer-songwriter & bassist Paul Simonon of The Clash (1955), actress Helen Slater of The Secret of My Success, The Legend of Billie Jean, and Supergirl fame (1963), actor Adam Brody of The O.C. fame (1979), and English actor Charlie Cox of Daredevil fame (1982)
• Pour one out for: Dutch painter Johannes Vermeer (d. 1675), English chemist Alfred Bird of inventing baking powder fame (d. 1878; thanks for the cupcake, Al!), Hunkpapa Lakota tribal chief Sitting Bull (d. 1890), singer-songwriter & pianist Fats Waller (d. 1943), bandleader, composer, and trombonist Glenn Miller (d. 1944), animator Walt Disney (d. 1966), and English-American essayist & critic Christopher Hitchens (d. 2011)
*****
OK, that's it for this week! We'll be back here in your inbox on Monday with another email and a fresh customer Q&A! If you'd like to be featured in an upcoming email reply to this and let us know!
Peace, love, and cupcakes,
Matt
Need hilarious content to get you through the week? 🤣
HOLD YOUR HORSES
Happy National Cocoa Day!
December 13th is certainly a fitting day to celebrate the best wintry beverage this side of mulled wine and/or nog.
Less fitting is National Cream Cheese Frosting Day, but it's delicious so I guess it can hang.
Not remotely fitting at all is National Ice Cream Day. You already get the third Sunday in July, Big Ice Cream! Don't be greedy!
If you are equinely inclined, today is also National Horse Day, when we recognize the economic, historic, and cultural contributions of horses. Like the tail hairs they so graciously donate to the bows used to play and celebrate...
National Violin Day! I hope your day is filled with the dulcet tones of an elementary school orchestra recital! Tell little Magnus and/or Mathilde they nailed the concerto, even if it really sounded like Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music on downers.
- Mr. & Mrs. Ma, probably
*****
Alright, before we get to those links, let's take note of some famous birthdays from December 13ths of yore. Maybe yours! If it is, happy birthday!
• Birthday frosting all around for: 16th First Lady of the U.S. Mary Todd Lincoln (1818), first African-American player in MLB's American League Larry Doby (1923), entertainer Dick Van Dyke of Mary Poppins and The Dick Van Dyke Show fame (1925), Canadian actor Christopher Plummer of The Sound of Music fame (1929), actor Steve Buscemi (1957), musician & actor Morris Day (1957), entertainer Jamie Foxx (1967), Blink-182 guitarist & singer-songwriter Tom DeLonge (1975), actor James Kyson of Heroes fame (1975), Evanesence singer-songwriter & musician Amy Lee (1981), and cat enthusiast Taylor Swift (1989)
• Pour some cocoa out for: Italian painter, sculptor, and mutant turtle namesake Donatello (d. 1466), English-American labor organizer Samuel Gompers of AFL fame (d. 1924), folk artist Grandma Moses (d. 1961), Canadian singer-songwriter & guitarist Zal Yanovsky of Lovin' Spoonful fame (d. 2002), Canadian actor, songwriter, and television host Alan Thicke of Growing Pains fame (d. 2016)
Now on to the amusing links!
*****
Introducing a brand new YouTube series from Boredwalk: Women's Rights and Women's Wrongs! A series of mini-documentaries showcasing notable female monsters (both real and fictional), check out our premier episode about Countess Elizabeth Báthory, presented by Tess from the Boredwalk content team!
We have a few more episodes in the works, but for this to become an ongoing series please watch, subscribe to our channel, and share it far & wide with anyone you think would appreciate our humorous historical takes!
For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.
2. 🍎 Apple picking + Cuffing Season: A match made in heaven!
Comedy professionals and orchard owning amateurs Dan Toomey and Mack Hubbell make a compelling case for why apples are the greatest aphrodisiac of them all (at least during the months of September & October).
3. ⛳ The perfect solution to pesky cases of Brad, Blake, or even Brendynn!
Love golf but hate misogyny? Keep those monied alpha males in check with the St. André Crude Collar!
4. 🦇 Goth crafting, but make it glam AF
Calligraphy artist Jessica Cooper does some gorgeous work with foil. Check out the link above to see her process videos, but also visit her Etsy shop to buy some prints if you like her art!
5. 🎙️ Won't someone think of the drywall?!
Boredwalk's alpha female podcast is back, and Tess & Grace make a compelling case against allowing men to watch sports. Just too much emotional fragility!
*****
OK! We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...
Peace, love, and cocoa,
Matt
😸 Need a snack without leaving the house? 😋
USE YOUR NOODLE
Happy National App Day! Every proverbial indoor cat's favorite place to distract themselves, Apple's App Store was first unveiled in 2007 alongside the first generation iPhone, the idea of the App Store dates all the way back to 1983 when Apple co-founder Steve Jobs first conceived of a database where software could be purchased over calls. Wild!
Today is also a big day for all the Spaghetti-O fans out there — happy National Noodle Ring Day! If you've noticed a decline in the popularity of noodle rings in recent decades, you're not wrong — appreciation of noodle rings has taken a back seat thanks to the ubiquity of mac & cheese. But today is when you can make a stand for the appeal of the humble noodle ring! If only there were a way to get them delivered to your door...
Phew! Glad the Doctor is on the case.
GIF via Doctor Who / BBC
*****
PROCRASTINATORS TAKE NOTE: Friday 12/15 is the last day we can ship orders via USPS* and reasonably guarantee** delivery of orders ahead of 12/25 using First Class service. Monday 12/18 is the cutoff for shipping Priority service packages that will likely arrive in time.
While we can still ship after next Monday and those packages may arrive in time, your best bet if you want to order tees or hoodies or towels or messenger bags for gifts is to place those orders RIGHT NOW so we have time to print & ship them later this week.
We have more leeway with our books and Delve Decks that are ordered through next weekend, but please manage your expectations and/or build yourself a flux capacitor and go back in time to place your orders earlier.
* Please don't reply to this berating us for using USPS instead of FedEx or UPS. They have similar deadlines for more expensive services.
** Pre-Christmas delivery is not on the list of ACTUAL guarantees that includes Death and Taxes. Gifts don't burst into a pile of dust if they are delivered on 12/26 or 12/29 or any other date. If a later-than-expected delivery "ruins" someone's holiday, they didn't deserve a gift in the first place and Yule Cat would like a word with them.
*****
Alright! Let's kick off the week with a few famous December 11th birthdays and historical facts:
• In 1816 Indiana became the 19th U.S. state. Happy birthday, Hoosier State!
• In 1901 Guglielmo Marconi transmitted the first transatlantic radio signal, from Cornwall, England to Newfoundland, Canada
• In 1972 Apollo 17 became the sixth and final Apollo mission to land on the Moon
• Birthday noodle rings all around for: Lawyer, politician, and Founding Person George Mason of Bill of Rights fame (1725), French composer & conductor Hector Berlioz (1803), Canadian brewer & businessman John Labatt of Labatt Brewing Company fame (1838), astronomer Annie Jump Cannon (1863), farmer Walter Knott of Knott's Berry Farm fame (1889), cartoonist Marge of Little Lulu fame (1904), blues singer-songwriter Big Mama Thornton (1926), illustrator John Buscema of Marvel Comics fame (1927), multifaceted Puerto Rican entertainer Rita Moreno (1931), jazz pianist McCoy Tyner (1938), actress & comedian Teri Garr of Young Frankenstein, Tootsie, Mr. Mom, and Friends fame (1944), singer-songwriter Brenda Lee of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" fame (1944), singer-songwriter and bassist Jermaine Jackson of The Jackson 5 (1954), singer-songwriter and bassist Nikki Sixx of Mötley Crüe (1958), actress & comedian Mo'Nique (1967), rapper & actor Yasiin Bey aka Mos Def (1973), actor & comedian Roy Wood, Jr. (1978), and actor Rider Strong of Boy Meets World fame (1979)
• Pour one out for: Singer-songwriter and soul music legend Sam Cooke (d. 1964), model and pinup icon Bettie Page (d. 2008), and author & vampire enthusiast Anne Rice (d. 2021)
*****
OK, scroll on down to learn a bit about fellow Boredwalk fan Karen! If you're feeling even moderately outgoing and would like to be featured in an upcoming Monday email (and are a customer with some Boredwalk tees, tanks, hoodies, towels, bags, books, or Delve Decks to show off), just reply to this and let us know and we'll send you some fun questions!
We'll be back here in your inbox on Wednesday with some more random holidays to observe, historical tidbits to acknowledge, and fun links to entertaining content! Until next time...
Peace, love, and ordering snacks without leaving the house,
Matt
*****
Karen looking more than OK in her Living My Okayest Life tee!
• What's your actual day job and what's your dream day job?
I am the President and CEO of a national trade association focused on energy policy. I've come to realize my dream job is to be retired. No matter what job I've chased and gotten, I've hated it within a year or two. I think I just hate working.
(Editor's note: As a co-founder myself this is both reasonable and relatable!)
• What's your biggest pet peeve?
A lack of self-awareness. People who go through life without any consideration as to how their actions (or lack thereof) affect other people.
• What keeps you up at night?
Mostly my job but also how the world, as we knew it, is ending before our very eyes.
• What's a book you think the Boredwalk community should read?
I really loved Untamed by Glennon Doyle. After a lifetime of trying to be "a good girl," it was refreshing to be encouraged to be my authentic self.
• If you could have any super power what would it be and why?
To be invisible. Having the ability to observe without being seen and causing havoc with no accountability!
• You can curse your nemesis with a minor annoyance for eternity; what do you choose?
Clumsiness. No matter what you do, you will always spill something or fall down in front of people.
• If you could make a mundane wish (meaning, a wish for something seemingly inconsequential that you still believe would benefit you immensely), what would it be for?
To not be afraid. Not necessarily to be courageous, but just to stop being afraid of everything so it doesn't hold me back from taking bold action.
• What experience do you most want to cross off your bucket list?
Seeing the Northern Lights and the Milky Way without light pollution.
• What is something you wish you could go back in time and say to your younger self?
Let your freak flag fly. Everyone else is just as insecure as you are. The misfits are ALWAYS more interesting.
• Clear up a misconception (about your job, where you are from, some other topic you know a lot about).
I live in Washington, D.C. Washington (the political hellhole) is not the same as the District of Columbia (a wonderfully vibrant city with awesome people). Looking at you, red states!
• Where can the rest of the Boredwalk community find you?
Personal Twitter: @only1iknowkm
Professional Twitter: @KarenOnaran
Instagram: @karenonaran