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WE GOT YOU, FAM 👆🏽

Happy National Cookie Exchange Day! Now THIS is a holiday we can all get behind! Whether you're in the mood for mandelbrot & hamantaschen, of the pagan persuasion and feeling peckish for Moon Spell cookies in observance of Yule, or more inclined to nosh on Christmas tree spritzes and gingerbread men, women, and non-binary persons, indulge in the spirit of the season with an interfaith culinary exchange!

December 22nd is also National Short Person Day, which is a holiday we can all get beneath — give your vertically-challenged pals an assist by grabbing something out of their reach or putting them on your shoulders today. Particularly if it's an ingredient in the pantry or at the store they'll need to bake those cookies you'll be benefiting from!

Technically every day is Short Person Day in my household. Boredwalk's co-founder & CEO Meredith is petite, and as she reminds me every time she yells across the house for me to get something high-up only to be reminded by me that there is a step stool closer to her than I am, the day she married me is the day she forever bid adieu to the tyranny of the step stool. Interestingly, that little tidbit was conveniently omitted from her vows.

Which is to your benefit, Nicole Richey! You would be horrified by the amount of dust up here.

GIF via Candidly Nicole / VH1

In Boredwalk housekeeping (and general shipping) news, if you were hoping to order something today and receive it in time for Christmas, I have good and bad news.

First, the bad news: only a few of us are here at the office today, and only for about half the day, which is going to limit the number of packages we're able to pack up and hand off to USPS. Even if YOUR package is one of the lucky ones, it's unlikely it will get to you in time unless you live in the Los Angeles area. Even then I wouldn't count on it.

But like the soft light of an Advent wreath or Menorah, a ray of hope exists: As depicted at the top of this email, we sell electronic gift cards! You could literally buy one as your relatives are walking in the door for the gift exchange. If you're just kinda so-so about them, simply forward the order confirmation email containing the gift card code to their best address.

If you love them dearly enough to spare the ink and saliva, print it out on the ancient inkjet your mom or dad insist on keeping around, fold it crisply, and present it to them in whichever holiday card you hastily grabbed on your way over to the agreed upon site of said gift exchange.

Regardless of effort level, it's the thought that counts!

If you'd rather celebrate yourself by engaging in some retail therapy, don't forget to use code SAVE15 at checkout for 15% off orders of $95+, not to mention free U.S. shipping on orders of $75+ — no code needed!

Finally, we are of course closed on Monday in observance of the Christmas holiday. I mean, you can (and should) still shop our website — it's not like we're turning it OR the internet off — but we won't be responding to emails, voicemails, or most other forms of communication until we are back in the office during regular business hours on Tuesday. Except to ridicule trolls leaving unkind comments on our social media posts and ads. Trolls never take days off.

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While you're waiting for your new Boredwalk goodies to arrive (or for those cookies to bake) you can also treat your earholes to the latest episode of the Boredwalk Podcast! Click here to listen on your favorite podcasting platform!

This week Meredith and Boredwalk content creator Tess discuss Tess's ailing kitty Jasper's recent tummy troubles and Meredith's and my foster cat menagerie. So many cats to help, so little time!

Meredith also talks a bit about the new products Boredwalk has in store for 2024, holiday plans (or lack thereof), and the great job Boredwalk's operations staff did getting stuff shipped out quickly this season. Huzzah!

Seriously, if you were paying attention to your tracking the last couple months — and didn't order something weird like a purple or mint green t-shirt that we had to order the blank for from out of state before we could print on it — you probably noticed that your order shipped the same or next business day from the time you completed checkout.

On the flip side of that, there's a troll fail that is unintentionally funny because his misogynistic comment was not the burn he thought it would be given the context. Better luck next time, troll!

However, it does spark an interesting discussion on aging, ageism, and sexist double-standards about aging propped up by tired patriarchal narratives.

They then react to fan responses to the Question of the Day "what's a topic you can't seem to understand no matter how much anyone tries to explain it?" Answers ranged from arguments against veganism to pro sports salaries to cryptocurrency to fax machines to contribution margins in business to the stock market. We and our social media followers contain multitudes!

Meredith & Tess wrap up by trading questions from the Venting & Joy editions of the Delve Deck, answering "what mistake do you keep making that you never seem to learn from?" and "what makes you feel most fulfilled?" Listen to find out their answers!

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Alright! Let's send you off into the holiday weekend with some notable events and famous birthdays from December 22nds of yore! If that includes yours, happy birthday to you! Celebrate with a cookie!

• In 1808 Ludwig van Beethoven conducted & performed in concert the premiere of his Fifth Symphony (aka the "Duh-duh-duh-DUH, duh-duh-duh-DUH" song), one of the most famous compositions of classical music in history, if not THE most famous.

• In 2010, then-President Barack Obama signed into law the repeal of the U.S. military's 17-year-old Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy banning homosexuals from serving openly. Huzzah!

• Birthday cookies all around for: 38th First Lady of the United States Lady Bird Johnson (1912), actress Barbara "June Cleaver" Billingsley of Leave It to Beaver fame (1915), singer-songwriter, guitarist, and bowtie enthusiast Rick Nielsen of 1970s power-poppers Cheap Trick (1948), English singer-songwriters Maurice & Robin Gibb of The Bee Gees (1949), rapper Luther Campbell of 2 Live Crew fame (1960), English actor Ralph Fiennes of Schindler's List, The English Patient, The Hurt Locker, and recent James Bond film fame (1962), Welsh singer-songwriter & guitarist Richey Edwards of Manic Street Preachers fame (1967), and singer-songwriter & producer Meghan Trainor of "All About That Bass" fame (1993)

• Pour one out for: English publisher John Newbery of Newbery Medal fame (d. 1767). Newbery more or less created the children's literature category by demonstrating it could be a successful and sustainable segment of the broader literary market. Also pay respect to English novelist Mary Ann "George Eliot" Evans of Middlemarch and Silas Marner fame (d. 1880), blues singer Ma Rainey (d. 1939), English children's book writer & illustrator Beatrix Potter of Peter Rabbit fame (d. 1943), punk rock singer-songwriter & guitarist D. Boon of The Minutemen (d. 1985), Irish author, poet, and playwright Samuel Beckett of Waiting For Godot fame (d. 1989), English singer-songwriter, guitarist, and punk icon Joe Strummer of The Clash (d. 2002), English singer-songwriter Joe Cocker (d. 2014), actress & voice actor Christine Cavanaugh, who was the original voice of Chuck Finster on Rugrats (d. 2014), and spiritual teacher, author, and psychonaut Ram Dass (d. 2019)

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OK, that's it for this week! We'll be back here in your inbox on Monday with another email — because everybody deserves to receive something fun on Christmas Day regardless of religious affiliation, even if it's just a rambling, snarky email — and MAYBE a fresh customer Q&A! If you'd like to be featured in an upcoming email reply to this and let us know!

Peace, love, and cookies,

Matt

THANKS, IT'S LICE FEVER!🤢

Happy National Sangria Day! Why December 20th was selected to celebrate an iced beverage is beyond me, but then it was just seven days ago that Big Ice Cream tried to horn in on wintry foodstuffs' turf, so I can't say I'm that surprised.

However, I was surprised to learn that sangria and mulled wine are both derived from the ancient Greek & Roman drink hippocras and that it's totally normal to drink warm sangria this time of year. The more you know!

Today is also Sacagawea Day, which is great — we should definitely pay respect to the young woman who helped the Lewis & Clark expedition navigate the lands "purchased" by the U.S. from France in 1803 that were in no way stolen from indigenous peoples.* Less great is that we celebrate Sacagawea on the day of her death by *checks notes* "putrid fever," which is apparently the catchier nickname of louse-borne typhus. Grrrr-osss.

* This is sarcasm. They were definitely stolen from indigenous peoples by a succession of white European land speculators masquerading as governments. Don't @ me.

That would be the lice typhus, Squidward. Keep up!

GIF courtesy of SpongeBob SquarePants / Nickelodeon

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Alright, before we get to those links let's acknowledge some notable events and famous birthdays from December 20ths of yore. Maybe yours! If it is, happy birthday!

• In 1803 the aforementioned Louisiana "Purchase" was completed at a ceremony in New Orleans

• In 1940 Captain America Comics #1, featuring Captain America's first appearance, was published

• In 1946 It's a Wonderful Life premiered at New York's Globe Theatre to mixed reviews

• In 2019 the *sigh* United States Space Force (🙄) became the first new branch of the U.S. military since 1947

• Birthday treats all around for: Singer-songwriter, drummer, and producer Peter Criss of KISS fame (1945), Israeli-English mentalist & illusionist Uri Geller (1946), TV director, producer, and screenwriter Dick Wolfe of Law & Order fame (1946), English actress Jenny Agutter of Logan's Run, An American Werewolf in London, and Captain America: The Winter Soldier fame (1952), disco and R&B singer Anita Ward (1956), English singer-songwriter & guitarist Billy Bragg (1957), singer-songwriter & bassist Mike Watt of punk icons The Minutemen (1957), bassist Jackie Fox of The Runaways (1959), singer-songwriter & guitarist Chris Robinson of The Black Crowes (1966), and actor & filmmaker Jonah Hill (1983)

• Pour some sangria out for: Explorer and guide Sacagawea of Oregon Trail and dollar coin fame (d. 1812), novelist & Nobel Prize laureate John Steinbeck of The Grapes of Wrath, East of Eden, and Of Mice and Men fame (d. 1968), banker, businessman, and Walt Disney Co. co-founder Roy Disney (d. 1971), singer-songwriter & actor Bobby Darin of "Splash Splash," "Dream Lover," "Mack the Knife," and "Beyond the Sea" fame (d. 1973), Polish-American pianist & composer Arthur Rubinstein (d. 1982), astronomer, astrophysicist, cosmologist, and educator Carl Sagan (d. 1996), and actress & singer Brittany Murphy of Clueless, Freeway, Girl, Interrupted, 8 Mile, and King of the Hill fame (d. 2009)

Now on to the amusing links!

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1. 🧙🏾‍♀️ Speaking of Louisiana...

In the second episode of our new YouTube series Women's Rights and Women's Wrongs, Tess from Boredwalk's content creator team presents a mini-documentary about New Orleans hairdresser and (alleged) voodoo witch Marie Laveau!

We have a few more episodes in the works, but for this to become an ongoing series please watch, subscribe to our channel, and share it far & wide with anyone you think would appreciate our humorous historical takes!

For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.

2. 👴🏼 Parents just don't understand

Creator Pat Mandziy takes us on a trip through time. Turns out parents have never understood their kids!

3. 🎁 Well I didn't see THIS coming

This is neither intentionally hilarious or even mildly amusing, but I do find it... humorously fascinating? ... that scientist Katie Steckles found a way to combine two of my least favorite things in a 59-second video demonstrating how to wrap gifts more efficiently using math. Gift wrapping AND math? At the same time?! Come on, Katie!

4. 🎄 I don't see it dominating the charts, but it's worth a look/listen

DJ Cummerbund creatively mashed up a smorgasbord of holiday standards — primarily José Feliciano's "Feliz Navidad", but also featuring contributions from Wham!, Rob Zombie, Rush, and more — with Billy Idol's "Rebel Yell." I can't say it improves on any of the source material, but it's certainly interesting and timely!

5. 🙇🏽 Stuck in a rut and unsure how to move forward in life?

Josh has the answer: start a cult!

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OK! We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...

Peace, love, and sangria,

Matt

WELL FRIEND... THAT ALL DEPENDS ON YOU

Happy National Twin Day! Shout out to my brothers Rob & Tom, who are fraternal twins AND about to celebrate their shared birthday eight days from now! After three-ish decades you would think they'd have gotten over receiving Christmas/birthday combo gifts from their cheap older brother... but you'd be wrong. Maybe I should send them each a Grievance Journal to complain about it in?

Speaking of which, it is crunch time here at Boredwalk HQ. We are working feverishly today and tomorrow to get as many orders packed up and handed off to USPS as possible to make some holiday miracles happen (even for the procrastinators who don't deserve it).

If you count yourself amongst said procrastinators, please don't dawdle and just order some of our books and/or Delve Decks right now so we can get them out the door as quickly as possible. You can still order our tees, towels, tank tops, bags, or sweatshirts of course, but I would not count on them to arrive before next Monday at this point. I mean, anything can happen — they might — but it's kind of like expecting Joe Flacco to come out of retirement* and be a productive quarterback for the Cleveland Browns. It's something of a... what's the term I'm looking for... ah yes: a Hail Mary. 

* Technically he wasn't "retired," but being a 38 year-old QB sitting un-signed at home halfway through the season also doesn't scream "gainfully employed."

I kid because I love, Browns fans. You've suffered plenty and deserve nice things!

GIF via The Simpsons / FOX

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Be sure to use code SAVE15 at checkout for 15% off orders of $95 or more, and don't forget that U.S. shipping is FREE for orders of $75 or more!

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Alright! Let's kick off the week with a few famous December 18th birthdays and historical facts:

• In 1892 Tchaikovsky's ballet The Nutcracker was performed for the first time in Saint Petersburg, Russia

• In 1932 the Chicago Bears defeated the Portsmouth Spartans in the first ever NFL playoff game to win the NFL Championship. 

• Birthday cake all around for: Actor & filmmaker Ossie Davis of Do The Right Thing, Grumpy Old Men, and Bubba Ho-Tep fame (1917), English singer-songwriter, guitarist, and indestructible rock 'n' roll pirate Keith Richards of Rolling Stones fame (1943), South African anti-apartheid activist Steve Biko (1946), filmmaker Steven Spielberg (1946), lead guitarist Elliot Easton of new wave legends The Cars (1953), actor Ray Liotta of Field of Dreams and Goodfellas fame (1954), actor Brad Pitt of Moneyball fame (1963), pro wrestler and beer enthusiast Stone Cold Steve Austin (1964), Australian actress Rachel Griffiths of Six Feet Under fame (1968), actor Casper Van Dien of Starship Troopers fame (1968), rapper & actor DMX (1970), Australian singer-songwriter Sia (1975), actress Katie Holmes of Dawson's Creek and Go fame (1978), singer-songwriter Christina Aguilera (1980), and singer-songwriter Billie Eilish (2001)

• Pour one out for: Legendary comedian and actor Chris Farley of Saturday Night Live, Tommy Boy, Black Sheep, and Beverly Hills Ninja fame (d. 1997), British singer-songwriter Kirsty MacColl of "Fairytale of New York" fame (d. 2000), animation icon Joseph Barbera of Hanna-Barbera fame (d. 2006), actress & producer Majel Barrett of Star Trek and Star Trek: The Next Generation fame (d. 2008), and Hungarian-American actress & socialite Zsa Zsa Gabor of Moulin Rouge, Touch of Evil, and Queen of Outer Space fame (d. 2016)

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OK, scroll on down to learn a bit about fellow Boredwalk fan Kelly! If you're feeling even moderately outgoing and would like to be featured in an upcoming Monday email (and are a customer with some Boredwalk tees, tanks, hoodies, towels, bags, books, or Delve Decks to show off), just reply to this and let us know and we'll send you some fun questions!

We'll be back here in your inbox on Wednesday with some more random holidays to observe, historical tidbits to acknowledge, and fun links to entertaining content! Until next time...

Peace, love, and for-the-love-of-cats-stop-procrastinating-and-order,

Matt

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Kelly looking cozy in her Have The Day You Deserve hoodie!

• What's your dream job?

My dream job would be a public health research librarian. I love constantly reading and learning new things; connecting people with information, tools, and resources; and sharing the field of public health with new folks.

• What's your biggest pet peeve?

When people eat loudly. There is seriously no need for slurping, smacking, gobbling, guzzling, munching, or any other ridiculous noises. PLEASE NO!!!

• If you could have any super power what would it be and why?

My superpower of choice would be teleportation. It would be awesome to be able to see my favorite people and friends more frequently and to be able to attend all the important moments in people's lives. Also, I have had an average of a three-hour round-trip commute to work for most of my adult life, so it would be awesome to eliminate that!

• You can curse your nemesis with a minor annoyance for eternity; what do you choose?

A pesky eyelid twitch that lasted every day for all waking hours.

• If you could make a mundane wish (meaning, a wish for something seemingly inconsequential that you still believe would benefit you immensely), what would it be for?

My mundane wish would be to eliminate other folks' need to fill silent times with small talk, because… silence is okay! Mindless small talk takes my "peopling gauge" from F to E in two minutes.

• What is something you wish you could go back in time and say to your younger self?

Embrace who you are and not attempt to conform to the environments around you. Your people are out there, and you will find them. Be you and be proud of all of the pieces of you.