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🥶 Winter may betray me...
Well, it's arrived — the dreaded official end of Spooky Season. Time to get back to "culturally edifying" cinema full of complex and well-developed characters and nutritious meals that don't begin and end with chocolate & peanut butter.
🕰️ What time is it? 🤔
"Happy" National Candy Corn Day, I guess? Look, to each their own, but it bears noting that candy corn does have a reputation as "Halloween's most contentious sweet," and it's easy to understand why.
What's with today today? 🤨
OCTOBER 2nd IS REALLY PHONING IT IN 🙄
Once again I am tasked with spinning some fairly uninspiring occasions into comedy gold, and once again the calendar deities that govern such things have elected to test my mettle in this pursuit. If today is your birthday, you really deserve better than the following murderer's row of buzz-killing observances.
Without further ado, "happy":