News

COLOR US UNIMPRESSED

Well, we are now almost a full month into 2024, and I have to say that so far I am in agreement with our striped friend up top — thoroughly unimpressed.

So far this year:

• Our office has been broken into and burglarized (twice! In the same night!)

• Two adult men in their 50s decided to pause their high-speed chase through my suburban neighborhood over a minor fender bender and beat each other to a pulp in my (now blood-stained) driveway while I was attempting to park my car and get the foster kitten I was bringing home from spay surgery inside to recuperate.

• Boredwalk's sales have been in the toilet except for the (admittedly very excellent and hilarious) activity books for adults that we have struggled to advertise effectively for almost two years until a few weeks ago thanks to an ad that doesn't even feature pictures of said books, because why not?

• One of the aforementioned adult pugilists showed up yesterday morning and blocked our driveway (again) as Boredwalk co-founder Meredith and I were leaving for work in an effort to intimidate me into giving him nonexistent video footage of his earlier crimes that he was convinced would exonerate him in his upcoming assault and battery trial, forcing us to call 911 for the second time in 10 days.

So yeah. 2024: off to an inauspicious start!

I wish I could, Liz Lemon, but I have 11 more months of this nonsense to look forward to!

Who knows what fresh Hell February will bring!?!

Moving on to other topics...Happy National Green Juice Day, I guess? Woof, January 26th — you are not helping at all

The only "green juice" I am remotely interested in drinking is a glass of melted mint chocolate chip ice cream, and even then I'd have to think long and hard about what I'm about to swallow.*

* I know a lot of creeps reading this just giggled like a middle schooler, hit "reply," and started typing "that's what she..." Stop. Please don't. You're better than that. Get your mind out of the gutter!

Today is also National Peanut Brittle Day, which on the surface may sound marginally better than Green Juice Day, but honestly, this low-key seems like a scheme Big Dentistry cooked up to sell more crowns and fillings during a slow month. Don't fall for their tricks!

Finally, today is also National Fun At Work Day, but I think we've established that is not happening here at Boredwalk this year, so let's just move on...

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While you're waiting for your new Boredwalk gear to arrive you can also treat your earholes to the latest episode of the Boredwalk Podcast! Click here to listen on your favorite podcasting platform!

This week Meredith and Tess discuss unhinged people who steal other artists' work only to claim THEY are the aggrieved party. It happens way more often than you might think!

Next up is a dispatch from the land of trolls, which is never a dull moment! A special twist this week is their professed concern for our souls, which seems both well-meaning but also invasive and judgmental.

This week's Question of the Day was "which song immediately transports you back to a happy time of your life?" Lots of fun answers from Boredwalk's Instagram & Facebook followers that run the gamut!

They wrap up the episode by trading answers to the questions "what are you too hard on yourself about?" from the Delve Deck: Venting Edition, and "what are you most thankful you learned as a kid?" from the Delve Deck: Joy Edition. Listen to hear their answers!

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 Alright! Let's send you off into the weekend with some notable events and famous birthdays from January 26ths of yore! If that includes yours, happy birthday to you!

• In 1837 Michigan was admitted into the union as the 26th U.S. state

• In 1870 my home state of Virginia was RE-admitted into the union following its regrettable choices in 1861

• In 1915 lovely Rocky Mountain National Park in Colorado was established by the U.S. Congress. Nice lay-up there, Congress!

• Birthday peanut brittle all around for: Austrian-American singer, unsolvable problem, and inspiration for the musical The Sound of Music Maria von Trapp (1905), activist, filmmaker, salad dressing enthusiast, and damn handsome actor Paul Newman (1925), mediocre baseball player, humorous TV dad, great sportscaster, and legendary beer pitch man Bob Uecker (1934), Marvel Comics illustrator Sal Buscema (1936), activist, author, and academic Angela Davis (1944), film critic and thumb aficionado Gene Siskel (1946), bassist & singer-songwriter Andy Hummel of influential power-poppers Big Star (1951), singer-songwriter & guitarist Lucinda Williams (1953), Dutch-American songwriter and guitar god Eddie Van Halen (1955), "Quiet Storm" singer-songwriter Anita Baker (1958), Canadian hockey icon Wayne "The Great One" Gretzky (1961), and English singer-songwriter & guitarist Andrew Ridgeley of Wham! fame (1963)

• Definitely pour out ALL the green juice (because it is gross) for: Chewing gum industrialist William Wrigley, Jr. (d. 1932), hardboiled Romanian-American actor Edward G. Robinson (d. 1973), country music singer-songwriter & guitarist Charlie Louvin (d. 2011), actor Abe Vigoda of The Godfather, Barney Miller, and Joe Versus The Volcano fame (d. 2016), and Los Angeles Lakers icon Kobe Bryant (d. 2020)

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OK, that's it for this week! I promise that Meredith and I are extremely eager to get back to working on new art and other products for you, but as you can imagine from the listicle of misery up top, design time has been hard to come by this month.

We'll be back here in your inbox on Monday with another email and maybe a fresh customer Q&A! If you'd like to be featured in an upcoming email reply to this and let us know!

Peace, love, and crossed fingers that things settle down,

Matt 

THANKS, BUT NO THANKS

Happy National Compliment Day! Compliments?! Ew, gross. Keep that anxiety fuel to yourself.

All is not lost, though! Today is also National Peanut Butter Day — huzzah! One of my favorite ways to stuff down the anxiety and discomfort I reflexively feel when complimented is to pile as many peanut butter cups on top of it as possible, so I guess we'll call January 24th a win-win for ol' Matty boy?

Before we get to today's sweet link roundup, let's acknowledge some notable events and birthdays from January 24ths of yore! If today happens to be YOUR birthday, I hope it is a happy one full of peanut buttery delights! (Unless you are allergic, in which case I hope it is full of some OTHER, secret delight of your choosing.)

• In 1908 the first Boy Scout troop was organized in England by Robert Baden-Powell

• In 1933 the 20th Amendment to the US Constitution was ratified, changing the beginning and end of terms for elected federal offices

• In 1935 the Gottfried Krueger Brewing Company began selling the first canned beer, and 89 years later sent me on a wild goose chase to find a humorous GIF featuring (presumable) co-founders Gilbert and Freddy toasting to their brewing acumen. (Oddly specific, yes, but also this seems like something that definitely could have happened in the 80s or 90s and been caught on film — two entertainment icons at their cultural peak relaxing with some cold ones?)

Well, yeah, but...have you tried his canned beer?

GIF courtesy of A Nightmare on Elm Street / New Line Cinema

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Birthday compliments (if you must) and peanut butter cups all around for:

• Prussian king Frederick the Great (1712), who must not have been that awesome since his country no longer exists

• Novelist Edith Wharton of The Age of Innocence, Ethan Frome, and The House of Mirth fame (1862)

• Actor Ernest Borgnine of McHale's Navy, The Black Hole, Escape from New York, The Dirty Dozen, The Wild Bunch, The Poseidon Adventure, and The Devil's Rain fame (1917)

• Singer-songwriter & guitarist Neil Diamond of "Sweet Caroline", "Forever In Blue Jeans", Midnight Mass, and Saving Silverman fame (1941)

• Soul singer Aaron Neville of "Tell It Like It Is" and "Everybody Plays the Fool" fame (1941)

• Singer-songwriter Warren Zevon of "Werewolves of London" fame (1947)

• Actor, screenwriter, and comedy legend John Belushi of Saturday Night Live, Animal House, and The Blues Brothers fame (1949)

• Ukrainian-American comedian & actor Yakov Smirnoff (1951). Fun fact about Yakov: when he first moved to Los Angeles to pursue comedy he lived with two roommates who were also struggling aspiring entertainers — Andrew Dice Clay and Thomas F. Wilson (Biff of Back to the Future trilogy fame). Why no producers have made a show about this living arrangement has baffled me ever since I learned about it over a decade ago.

• English singer-songwriter, pianist, and TV presenter Jools Holland (1958)

• Actor, comedian, screenwriter, and voice actor Phil LaMarr of MadTV, Futurama, and DC animated universe fame (1967)

• Olympic gold medal winning gymnast Mary Lou Retton (1968)

• Actor Matthew Lillard of Serial Mom, Scream, and Scooby Doo film franchise fame (1970)

• Actor, producer, and screenwriter Ed Helms of The Daily Show w/ Jon Stewart, The Hangover film series, and The Office fame (1974)

• Actress, comedian, and writer Kristen Schaal of Flight of the Conchords, The Last Man on Earth, 30 Rock, and Bob's Burgers fame (1978)

• Actress & singer Tatyana Ali of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air fame (1979)

• Actress Mischa Barton of The OC fame (1986)

Pour out some canned beer for:

• Roman emperor and noted party boi Caligula (d. 41)

• English soldier, politician, and cupcake frosting enthusiast Winston Churchill (d. 1965)

• Comedian and Stooge Larry Fine (d. 1975)

• Lawyer, jurist, and Supreme Court justice Thurgood Marshall (d. 1993)

• British singer-songwriter Mark E. Smith of The Fall (d. 2018)

Now on to the amusing links!

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1. 😇 😈 Heaven? Hell? Tell me there's a secret third option...

Good news: there is! Hope you like Skyline Chili!

For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.

2. 🎨 Don't be gelly — it's just art!

Seattle-based mixed media and paper collage artist Nadya Borisevich does some very cool stuff with old magazines and layered ink/paint!

3. 🐈 Big Chungus is all about that van life

#VanLifers Kayli & Logan may be documenting their existence in close motorized quarters, but I am only here for the van cat content. More Chungus, please! 

4. 🤑 There's no such thing as a cool billionaire

Comedian (and occasional Boredwalk sketch writer) Robert Schultz would beg to differ!

5. 🦹🏽 Finally, a glimpse into the inner workings of The Illuminati!

Comedian Nate Meeker and friends set the record straight. Shady puppet masters: they're just like us, putting in a hard day's work!

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We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...

Peace, love, and peanut buttery delight (or not),

Matt

FINE, THANKS 😾

Happy Answer Your Cat's Questions Day! If only this foster kitten we've been caring for, Grover, would ask us some. We'd be delighted to answer them all to the best of our ability, but she remains steadfast in her choice to only emit intermittent chirps & grumbles.

"How are you, Grover?" - Me

"Fine, thanks!" - this kitten, probably

It's also National Hot Sauce Day, which will come in handy as something Buffalonians can drown their tears in today! Tough break, Bills fans. There's always next year.

Today is also National Polka Dot Day! I was surprised to learn that Minnie Mouse is credited with popularizing the iconic print two years after it first appeared publicly in a Miss America swimsuit pageant. Disney's got those little white 4-fingered gloves in everything, don't they?

Finally, let's end today's random observance run-down on a sweet note: Happy National Blondie Day! I was also surprised to learn that the original recipe for brownies did not call for chocolate, making blondies the original form of the chewy treat! However, this news does make me wonder what its final form will be in the event blondies are some sort of edible Pokémon...

Maybe strawberry, for some sort of Neapolitan baked treat trifecta?

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Alright! Let's kick off the week with a few famous January 22nd historical events and notable birthdays and deathdays:

• In 1890 the United Mine Workers of America was founded in Columbus, Ohio

• In 1973 the Supreme Court of the United States delivered its decisions in Roe v. Wade and Doe v. Bolton, legalizing elective abortion nationwide until it was overturned on June 24th, 2022

• In 1984 the first home computer to popularize the computer mouse and graphical user interface, the Apple Macintosh, was introduced during a Super Bowl XVIII television commercial

• Birthday blondies all around (hot sauce optional) for: English soldier, explorer, and alleged "stupid git" Sir Walter Raleigh (1552), English poet John Donne (1573), Scottish privateer Captain William Kidd (1645), English poet & playwright Lord Byron (1788), chemist & pharmacist Wilbur Scoville of hot sauce heat scale fame (1865), singer-songwriter and soul music icon Sam Cooke (1931), actress Piper Laurie of Carrie (1932), actor Bill Bixby of My Favorite Martian and The Incredible Hulk fame (1934), English actor John Hurt of The Elephant Man, V for Vendetta, and the Harry Potter film franchise fame (1940), English singer-songwriter, music manager, and punk style influencer Malcolm McLaren (1946), singer-songwriter and erstwhile Journey frontman Steve Perry of "Don't Stop Believin'" fame (1949), indie filmmaking legend Jim Jarmusch (1953), actress Linda Blair of The Exorcist fame (1959), Australian singer-songwriter and 80s heartthrob Michael Hutchence of INXS fame (1960), DJ & producer DJ Jazzy Jeff of "Parents Just Don't Understand" and "Summertime" fame (1965), actress Diane Lane (1965), celebrity chef Guy Fieri (1968), actor Gabriel Macht of Suits fame (1972), and singer-songwriter & jazz singer Lizz Wright (1980)

• Pour out some hot sauce in memory of: Australian actor & director Heath Ledger (d. 2008), Canadian author & illustrator Margaret Bloy Graham of Harry the Dirty Dog fame (d. 2015), sci-fi & fantasy novelist Ursula K. Le Guin of Earthsea series fame (d. 2018), baseball icon and MLB Hall of Famer Hank Aaron (d. 2021), and Buddhist monk and peace activist Thích Nhất Hạnh

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OK, no new customer Q&A this week, unfortunately! If you're feeling even moderately outgoing and would like to be featured in an upcoming Monday email (and are a customer with some Boredwalk tees, tanks, hoodies, towels, bags, books, or Delve Decks to show off), just reply to this and let us know and we'll send you some fun questions!

We'll be back here in your inbox on Wednesday with some more random holidays to observe, historical tidbits to acknowledge, and fun links to entertaining content! Until next time.

Peace, love, and spicy blondies,

Matt