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❄️ We'll give you a winter prediction:
IT'S GONNA BE COLD, IT'S GONNA BE GREY, AND IT'S — EH, YOU GET IT.
Happy Groundhog Day! I have it on good authority that our prognosticating pal Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow up on Gobbler's Knob this morning (regardless of what the internet claims), so prepare to enjoy another 6 infinities of misery!
Our other friend Phil — a prognosticator of weather — has the forecast for us! What say you, Phil?
Same as it ever was!
Forgive my exhaustion with existence, but I'm writing this after 75+ minutes on chat support with "Miguel" over at Meta to figure out why their vaunted algorithm elected to replace our Facebook & Instagram Shop banner that was something normal — like, y'know, a product photo — with a generic sizing chart graphic.
Miguel's answer? "Who can say why robots do the things they do?"
You're right, Miguel! Clearly not me! Clearly not you! Clearly not even Zuck. He's FAR too busy kickboxing some lackey in the face on a private beach in Hawaii to worry himself with petty human concerns like making sure his $120 BILLION dollar product works properly for his paying customers like some jabroni at Boredwalk (aka me)!
Anyway, enough of my whining about all my terrible life decisions!
Moving on to other topics...Happy National Catchers Day! We are a mere week away from when pitchers and catchers begin reporting to their various Spring Training facilities, and right now baseball season is pretty much the ONLY thing I have to look forward to, so huzzah to you, catchers!
My favorite factoid about catchers is that their equipment is derisively nicknamed "the tools of ignorance," in reference to the irony that a player with the intelligence to be effective at his job behind the plate would be foolish enough to play a position requiring so much safety gear.
🍫 Candy is dandy...
...BUT BRANDY ALEXANDERS
ARE QUICKER 🍸
Happy National Hot Chocolate Day! And if you're of the opinion that candy is dandy but liquor is quicker, Happy Brandy Alexander Day!
Fun fact: the Brandy Alexander was John Lennon's favorite tipple, and his carousing pal Harry Nilsson is who introduced them to him!
It is also Eat Your Brussels Sprouts Day, if that interests you, I guess.
Before we get to today's sweet link roundup, let's acknowledge some notable events and birthdays from January 31sts of yore! If today happens to be YOUR birthday, I hope it is a happy one full of chocolatey delights! (Unless you are allergic, in which case I hope it is full of some OTHER, secret delight of your choosing.)
• On this day in 1988 Doug Williams became the first Black quarterback to play in a Super Bowl, as he led my hometown Washington Commanders to victory over the Denver Broncos in Super Bowl XXII. I was only a tyke at the time, but I remember being pretty stoked about this.
• Birthday hot chocolate all around for: Dentist and Western novelist Zane Grey of Riders of the Purple Sage fame (1872), baseball icon and Hall of Fame second baseman Jackie Robinson (1919), actress, singer, and dancer Carol Channing of Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and Hello, Dolly! fame (1921), journalist & author Norman Mailer (1923), Chicago Cubs Hall of Fame infielder Ernie "Let's play two!" Banks (1931), singer-songwriter Harry Wayne Casey of disco luminaries K.C. and the Sunshine Band (1951), English singer-songwriter John Lydon of the Sex Pistols and Public Image, Ltd. (1956), Scottish author & screenwriter Grant Morrison of The Invisibles fame (1960), English singer-songwriter & guitarist Lloyd Cole (1961), English singer-songwriter & actress Minnie Driver of Good Will Hunting, Grosse Pointe Blank, and The Riches fame (1970), actress Kerry Washington of Scandal fame (1977), and singer-songwriter & actor Justin Timberlake of gaslighting Britney fame (1981)
• Pour out a Brandy Alexander for: English conspirator and mask inspiration Guy Fawkes (d. 1606), English author, poet, and playwright A.A. Milne of Winnie-the-Pooh fame (d. 1956), and Motown composer & songwriter Anna Gordy Gaye (d. 2014)
Look, the mask that bears his name is cool an' all, but let's not forget that this stylish edgelord was really just a religious zealot who was executed for trying to replace Protestant King James with his 9-year old daughter Elizabeth and then force her to marry some crusty old Catholic dude of his choosing. Smells like textbook patriarchal establishmentarianism to me!
GIF courtesy of V for Vendetta / Warner Bros. Pictures
Now on to the amusing links!
*****
1. 🧙🏼♀️ Tess has a fever...
...and the only prescription is moving to a secluded castle in the forest!
For more LOLs from our team be sure to follow us on our OG social accounts such as Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and/or Facebook.
2. 🐶 Cute dog! Is it a charcuterie?
Matt Conaghan is a freshly minted thousandaire, and he is here to brag about his recent windfall!
3. 🍝 When you're here, you're miserable!
Actor & comedian Chaz May portrays a day in the life of an Olive Garden patron.
Comedy creator Tyler Bender walks us through the next diet craze that will be sweeping the nation: Red 40 maxing!
5. 🦙 Boyfriend trouble? Replace him with a llama!
Next time the pocket-hoarding man in your life gives you grief about carrying your stuff, just remind him how replaceable he is.
*****
We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays (and maybe even some notable deathdays!) to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Until then...
In case you're puzzled 🧩
IT'S NATIONAL PUZZLE DAY!
Did you know solving puzzles is actually good for you? Solving puzzles fosters a sense of accomplishment, releasing dopamine in your brain, which makes you feel happier. Plus, solving puzzles stimulates your brain, improving memory, cognitive function, and problem solving skills in the process.
That makes today a perfect occasion to get our adult activity books, Adventures in the Abyss or Whatever! Both books are loaded with logic puzzles, crossword puzzles, word searches, math puzzles, cryptograms, mazes, word jumbles, coloring pages, and more!
(If you're not in the mood to celebrate puzzles you could also celebrate Curmudgeons Day and Freethinkers Day.)
Wow, okay, Valentine's Day is next month, but if you do need Valentine's Day gift ideas, check out the Delve Decks! Couples that have been together for decades tell us playing with them makes them feel like they're dating again. How romantic, we love to see it!
GIF via Giphy
*****
Alright! Let's kick off the week with a few famous January 29th historical events and notable birthdays:
• Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven" was published in the New York Evening Mirror on this day in 1845
• Kansas became the 34th US state on this day in 1861
• The Coca-Cola Company incorporated in Atlanta, Georgia on this day in 1892
• The Rubik’s Cube made its international debut at the Ideal Toy Corp. in Earl’s Court, London on this day in 1980
• Birthday cake all around for: writer/philosopher Thomas Paine of Common Sense pamphlet fame (1737), 25th US President William McKinley (1843), Russian author & playwright Anton Chekhov of "Chekhov's gun" literary device fame (1860), actor W.C. Fields (1880), actor John Forsythe of Charlie's Angels and Dynasty fame (1918), actor Tom Selleck of Magnum P.I. fame (1945), talk show host/actress Oprah Winfrey (1954), writer/director Edward Burns (1968), actress Heather Graham (1970), and actress Sara Gilbert (1975)
*****
OK, no new customer Q&A this week, unfortunately! If you're feeling even moderately outgoing and would like to be featured in an upcoming Monday email (and are a customer with some Boredwalk tees, tanks, hoodies, towels, bags, books, or Delve Decks to show off), just reply to this and let us know and we'll send you some fun questions!
We'll be back here in your inbox on Wednesday with some more random holidays to observe, historical tidbits to acknowledge, and fun links to entertaining content! Until next time...
Peace, love, and puzzles,
Meredith