September 28, 2022

You know what they say about fences...


It's National Good Neighbor Day! This coincides nicely with the happy news that after spending over a year looking for a new place, I'm finally moving and getting the heck away from my current neighbors.
The biggest impetus for this move is the neighbor across from us who has a possessed toddler.*
Now I know what you're thinking: "aren't all toddlers possessed?" I don't know if they are all possessed, but I am pretty sure this one is.
This toddler begins its infernal shrieking most days well before sunrise. I assume it wants to threaten the dawn with its horrifying caterwaul. I imagine the toddler sleeps while I am at work, because it has unrelenting energy for hours of screaming any time I am home. Do demons nap? Who knows!
I have inferred that this toddler is being cared for by an entire family of demons, as the parents leave their windows open at all times so the whole of San Gabriel Valley can be treated to junior's malevolent squawk. This toddler is immune to any sort of quiet hours. It can be heard well past midnight and into the early morning hours daily.

You might be thinking "those poor parents."** No, poor ME! I am TIRED. I didn't opt into this endless playlist that only has one song; it's their toddler, not mine. They could call an exorcist or, at the very least, close the windows to muffle the sound.
Thankfully we found a new place to live that seems much quieter, so hopefully I will be celebrating my preferred holiday soon: Silent Neighbor, a celebration of neighbors I never hear. I will be honoring the occasion by luxuriating in the peace and quiet.
* In case you are concerned the child is in some danger, it doesn't appear to be. I have seen the toddler outside with the parents and it screams the same way all the time. The parents don't seem to be harming the toddler, it just seems to enjoy screaming like a tiny banshee.
** I am sure toddlers are difficult. I would have more sympathy for them if they weren't keeping the windows open 24/7.
demonic baby screaming
My neighbor's kid in its true form (probably)
Image via Ash vs Evil Dead/Starz
Want some September 28th famous birthdays and historical facts? Here's a few:
โ€ข Actress & comedian Janeane Garofalo was born on this day in 1964. She's probably best known for her work on Saturday Night Live, Reality Bites, and Wet Hot American Summer. She's a true Gen X comedy icon.
โ€ข TV personality Ed Sullivan was born on this day in 1901. He created/hosted the TV variety show The Toast of the Town, which was later renamed The Ed Sullivan Show. His show aired from 1948 to 1971, setting a record as the longest-running variety show in US broadcast history.
โ€ข Finally, on this day in 1928 Alexander Fleming accidentally discovered penicillin while working in his lab at St. Mary's Hospital in London.
Alright, you've waited long enough โ€” on to the links!

1. Owl bet you'll love this little video

Watch this Great Gray Owl snuggling her owlet. Awww!

2. Speaking of moving, the Boredwalk creator team nails the househunting experience

Not entirely far off from my experiences looking for a new place over the last 18 โ€” yes, 18 โ€” months.

3. This cute animation will get you in the mood for spooky season

Is it Halloween yet? Because it seems like it should be.

4. This light show is a feast for the eyes

As an artist, Burning Man kinda appeals to me, but as a misanthrope, no it doesn't. Thankfully you can find pics and video of the event online, like this very impressive light show.

5. Addams Family embroidery

Watch this artist create a sparkly portrait of Wednesday Addams!

OK! We'll be back here in your inbox on Friday with updates, more nonsense holidays to dissect, more notable birthdays to celebrate, and more witty content in general. Don't miss it! Until next time...

Peace, love, and quiet,