May 06, 2022

🥳 You know what they say: no one parties...


Happy Worship of Tools Day! I've been trying to suss out who is responsible for designating March 11th for this purpose (my research* turned up nothing concrete, but I suspect it was a brand marketer at Black & Decker or Craftsman), but the word choice does make sense in that we often worship things we fear.

*I typed a question into Google, clicked three links at the top of the page because scrolling seemed awfully taxing, read a few unhelpful sentences, and gave up. You know...research!

Don't wanna do this GIF

My reaction anytime I am forced to use tools other than phone apps and pens & pencils.

Today also happens to be National Oatmeal Nut Waffles Day, which excites me more than Worship of Tools Day, but less than National Funeral Director And Mortician Recognition Day, because doggone it, they deserve it after a long year of corpse wrangling!


Unlike last Friday, March 11th is FULL of famous birthdays! Let's all have a celebratory oatmeal nut waffle in honor of:

• Dock Ellis, born this day in 1945! Mr. Ellis was a pitcher for the Pittsburgh Pirates for the duration of his Major League Baseball career (1968-1979) and famously — or infamously, depending on how you feel about such things — pitched a no-hitter against the San Diego Padres on June 12th, 1970 while under the influence of LSD. What a long, strange trip to the dugout that must have been!

• Human crash test dummy Philip John "Johnny Knoxville" Clapp, born this day in 1970! Hopefully Jackass Forever made him enough money this year that he can ride a stolen shopping cart into the sunset and give his battered body a rest.

• Actor, singer-songwriter, and producer Terrence Dashon Howard, born this day in 1969! Mr. Howard was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actor for his role in the 2005 film Hustle & Flow. 

• Actress and producer Thora Birch, born this day in 1982! Ms Birch has starred in many films, including Patriot Games, Hocus Pocus, American Beauty, and Ghost World, and more recently appeared in Season 10 of The Walking Dead, which much like a zombie has continued ambling aimlessly along as it gradually decomposes before our eyes.

• English author, essayist, humorist, and satirist Douglas Noel Adams, born this day in 1952! Mr. Adams was the author of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which originated in 1978 as a BBC radio comedy before he developed it into a five-volume "trilogy" of books. 

• Finally, [insert whatever adjective you deem appropriate here] birthday to the COVID-19 virus, which was declared a pandemic by the World Health Organization on this day in 2020! I guess that means it's entering the "terrible twos." Just when you thought it was safe to turn your attention fully to Ukraine, COVID-19 starts teething. What a treat.

If you plan to stock up on Boredwalk goodies this weekend, don't forget to save 10% on orders of $100 or more when you use the code YAY10 at checkout!

Orders of $75 or more ship for free within the US — no code needed!


Alright! We'll be back in your inbox Monday with a new Boredwalk Community Q&A, more famous birthdays, a random holiday or two, and other assorted entertainment!

Until next time...

Peace, love, and tool worship (I guess),