Sure, we all want to get our loved ones something special this holiday season, but ancient enchanted lockets and inter-dimensional portals?! Not in this economy! Sorry, but we're not all billionaires who can just whisk our families away for a Black Forest cryptozoology safari — some of us have to be realistic. For the rest of us, here are a few affordable, if not supernatural, suggestions...
Look, reality isn't getting better; you can either sulk about it or laugh at it, and we prefer the latter.
The Adventures in the Abyss activity book is the perfect diversion from the hellscape, filled with puzzles, coloring pages, trivia, and more. It's both fun and practical, since it can be used to pass the time even during a power grid failure (an eventuality we can all expect given our crumbling infrastructure and increasingly extreme weather).
At a mere $20, this gift is fun, functional, and recession-budget friendly! Plus it's really a gift for you, because you're going to love watching the recipient chuckle away as they flip through the pages. A win all around!
Speaking of hellscapes, this snarky Just Another Day in the Hellscape tee is the perfect response to the perennially pointless question "how's it going?"
You know how it's going, Linda! The climate is in peril, we're always on the verge of World War III, the billionaires are fleeing for the exits, and we're all stuck here paying bills and going to our jobs. This shirt pairs perfectly with day drinking and doom scrolling, two time-honored winter traditions we can all expect to do plenty of in 2023.
Know someone who could use a dose of self-confidence? Sure, we all do! If you're shopping for someone who is entirely too ominous for the tired affirmations you'll find emblazoned on notebooks at the local Hallmark shop, this delicately sinister spiral notebook is just what they need. At a mere $16, it's budget-friendly and sure to bring a sneer to the face of your favorite manic pixie nightmare girl.
The only thing that brings a warmer, fuzzier feeling than annoying fascists is wearing this soft cozy Ban The Fascists Save The Books hoodie. The great thing about this shirt is you can quickly identify who is actually a fascist (they're the ones who will be offended by this hoodie) and who has never read a book (they're also the ones who will be offended by this hoodie — a perfect Venn diagram overlap with the former group, actually). A fabulous gift for a friend who loves to read and annoy people they want nothing to do with anyway!
Speaking of offending all the right people, the Exquisite Nightmare kitchen towel set is a fun way to offend misogynists! Our favorite thing about advertising this towel set is collecting outraged comments from Brock Turner's mom — at least that's who I assume is behind all the Instagram accounts who keep leaving comments like this:
This kitchen towel set is about bashing a very specific kind of man, but the fact that Princess Patriarchy over there conflates the sentiment with ALL men and still defends them tells us a lot about how "great" and "amazing" that husband and son probably are.
This set comes with 3 separate towels, so whoever you buy them for will always have fresh snark and a place to dry their hands.
Who doesn't love a bold prediction? With this guy dominating the decade to date, I have a feeling 2023 is looking good for him. Your loved one can be snug as a bug and wear a justifiably smug mug regarding their clairvoyance with this darkly funny This Is Gonna Be My Year hoodie. Perfect for New Years parties!
If anything has become a seasonal staple, it's the Grievance Journal! Featuring 52 writing prompts to help focus their rage, 52 hilariously cynical de-motivational quotes, and over 200 pages (some lined for writing, some blank for doodling), your loved ones will be celebrating Festivus in style with this helpful and darkly funny guided journal. With hundreds of raving 5-star reviews, you can't go wrong with this one. Reality might be terrible, but at least you can help someone on your gift list vent in style!
This messenger bag makes a great passive aggressive gift for someone who might not always be on their best behavior. Maybe you can't be the angel on their shoulder everywhere they go, but this messenger bag could do the trick.
Loaded with a dose of karma and adorned with our original quirky colorful design, this bag is a perfect every day carry for work or school. It also makes a great carry on for air travel or weekend trips. It features a comfy adjustable shoulder strap and 4 pockets for storing smaller items like a wallet, sunglasses, or even a cursed amulet that devours the souls of adversaries.
Yet another winter is upon us, and it's sure to be dark, cold and seemingly interminable. This soft cozy hoodie is the perfect complement to those wintertime blues. It pairs nicely with binge watching that favorite comfort show for the umpteenth time and wondering if spring will ever return.
By far the most affordable item on the list, but then who can put a price on such a deliciously tantalizing abstract concept. Well, you can! This pay-what-you-want virtual product gets you an all-access pass to Boredwalk's behind the scenes adventures in intellectual property. Watch us spill the tea on all the gutter goblins who try to steal our art and what we do about it. Boredwalk co-founders Meredith and Matt release a new secret video about once per month for vengeance customers, delivering all the dirt on how we fend off art thieves and other trolls in our orbit. It's a budget-friendly gift that's perfect for someone who has everything, because you can never have enough comeuppance.