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MI NOMBRE ES MATT
Happy Wednesday! Are you ready for the first day of the rest of your week? You'd better be, because it's here!
I'm excited, because here at Boredwalk HQ we're the proud mamas & papas of a brand new lint scrubber! Truly, it is a California dream...mostly because of our geographic location, but also because we finally have a solution to the ever-present lint problem in our office. But enough about our fuzz-covered fixtures — you're here for some links!
First, though, I have a question to ask: are you ready for the country? I hope so, because today is the birthday of not one, but TWO honky tonk heroes!
• First up, cut a slice of cake for Mr. Grand Ole Opry himself, Porter Wagoner, born this day in 1927! Mr. Wagoner was a prolific television host and recording artist, charting 81 times between 1954 and 1983 and taping 686 episodes of The Porter Wagoner Show from 1960-1981. He also helped introduce a little-known Nashville songwriter to a much wider audience when he invited Dolly Parton to replace Norma Jean as his regular duet partner on the show. Hey, Porter — thanks!
• Next, sling a slice across the table to the father of "the Bakersfield sound", Alvis Edgar "Buck" Owens, Jr., born this day in 1929! He and his band The Buckaroos scored 21 No. 1 singles on the Billboard Country Music charts, and he also co-hosted the hit CBS variety show Hee Haw with Roy Clark.
• Finally, happy birthday to Social Security, which was born on this day in 1935 when then-U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the Social Security Bill into law! Social Security is sort of an omnibus designation that covers multiple benefits. The biggest is the OASI benefit (Old-Age & Survivors Insurance), followed by Disability Insurance, Medicare Part A, and Medicare Parts B & D. Chances are if you're living and breathing in the United States in 2020, you or someone you know is currently paying to or benefiting from a Social Security program. Cherish it!
OK, link time!
As an artist, I hate artist statements, so I'm not going to try and speak for another one. Just click the link and enjoy!
It's pretty hilarious.
3. Caesar the therapy llama is here to save us all from ourselves and 2020.
I don't know why I only now am learning about an emotional support llama frequenting protests, but this is awesome!
4. Please, Hammer, don't infect 'em!
This Alabama school principal is doing his level best to stop the spread with his MC Hammer Covid-19 parody. I know the Wednesday email is usually a Covid-free space, but this was pretty freakin' cute.
5. These light box memes from legendary Austin Tex-Mex restaurant El Arroyo never get old.
Plus, they're open for curbside pickup — sweet!
Boredwalk Community: Mortuary Science
1. What's your actual day job and what's your dream day job?
Right now I'm a full-time mortuary science student, studying to become a funeral director and embalmer. I'm also employed at a funeral home as a wake attendant, and I'm a semiprofessional film critic through my podcast, The Neon Movie Bunker.
My dream day job would probably be working in some capacity at The Criterion Collection, helping to perpetuate film nerdom. (Ed. note: Interesting! Curious as to how you got into this line of work...)
2. What's your biggest pet peeve?
Anytime the temperature gets above 65 degrees. (Oh boy, does this resonate right now. I'm sitting in on my couch typing this in an 81 degree living room because our A/C went out Saturday morning. Hopefully it gets fixed soon!)
3. If you could have any super power what would it be and why?
Hmm…I'd have to say teleportation, even though I just read a really good book (Point B, by Drew Magary) about what a nightmare it would be if everyone could teleport. But yeah, the ability to travel without transport times would definitely be appreciated.
4. You can curse your nemesis with a minor annoyance for eternity; what do you choose?
Getting ABBA's "Waterloo" stuck in their head as a permanent earworm. (Savage!)
5. What experience do you most want to cross off your bucket list?
I'd like to go to the observation deck of the Burj Khalifa in Dubai (the tallest building in the world). (Yikes! I get freaked out on stepladders. That's all you, my friend.)
6. Clear up a misconception (about your job, where you are from, some other topic you know a lot about).
If you have some kind of grand idea or plan for your funeral, don't put it in your will. Discuss it beforehand with a funeral director so that when the time comes, plans are already in place. (Solid advice! Don't leave some elaborate chore for your loved ones...unless they're terrible people, in which case go right ahead requesting a skull-shaped bouncy house with Oingo Boingo performing 'Dead Man's Party' next to your casket.)
7. Where can the rest of the Boredwalk community find you?
I tweet occasionally at @JohnNMB and my podcast is available weekly at www.neonmoviebunker.com
LET'S GET WEIRD!
It's Wednesday! Well, technically it's Tuesday as I type this, but I'm not much of a morning person so I typically write these the night before. Just think of me as your (sort of) time-traveling compadre.
Let's cut to the chase — I know you're itching to get to the links, and I'm thirsty for an end-of-day cocktail, so let's cut some birthday cake!
• Let's wish an out-of-this-world birthday to astronaut (and first human to walk on the Moon) Neil Armstrong, born this day in 1930! What a guy!
That's pretty much it. I mean, sure, other people were born on August 5th — maybe even you! — but again, I'm thirsty, and we have all these fun links to click!
*****
File under: so this is how the ultra-wealthy spend their money. While on one hand I appreciate the level of obsession involved with trying to make chocolate chips even more delicious than they already are, this article also made it painfully clear that at a certain income level you're bound to lose your marbles. I don't care if they're in the shape of Michelangelo's David, I'm not paying 900% more for a bag of chocolate chips because some highfalutin' pastry chef thinks the store brand is too "waxy looking" when it's heated in the oven.*
*But if someone else buys them for me I will absolutely eat them.
2. Self-described "Goddess of Go-Go" Toni Basil is going to teach us all how to be boss go-go dancers.
Mickey may be "so fine", but he also needs a new pair of shoes, apparently, so Toni Basil is trying to drum up the scratch for that via Zoom classes designed to teach us all how to be go-go dancers extraordinaire. If you're unfamiliar with Toni OR 'Mickey', here you go.
Look, I love the work of Shel Silverstein as much as the next late-stage Millennial, but the inherent lack of boundaries on display in his classic The Giving Tree is easily the most reached-for item in the narcissistic parent toolbox when trying to make kids feel guilty about existing. Bravo to Topher for calling this nonsense out via his reimagining thereof, entitled The Tree Who Set Healthy Boundaries.
Also, while the alternate endings are free to download & print out, he does ask that if you enjoy them that you please consider making a donation to the Atlanta Artist Relief Fund, which is helping to support artists who have lost their main sources of income as a result of Covid-19. Yay, worthy causes!
I'm not one to play dress-up myself, but I can't knock the appeal it holds for the diehard cosplayers out there. If you've ever wondered if you, too, could look like an extra from the original Star Trek series or Lost In Space, guess what? You can!
One of the reasons I find this new book noteworthy is that, like me, R. Sikoryak is something of a generalist. Could they specialize in one specific, cohesive illustration style? Sure, but then they'd miss out on trying on all sorts of different styles! It makes perfect sense that you'd want to draw Powerman himself, Mr. Luke Cage, busting out of shackles to explain the 13th Amendment, or Daddy Warbucks explaining Congressional compensation to Annie. So I suppose I was wrong when I said I wasn't one for dress-up — I just manifest it differently.
Boredwalk Community: "Bloom Where You're Planted"
1. What's your actual day job and what's your dream day job?
I'm a part-time writer and a full-time K-7 Art teacher at an all-girls Quaker school in New England. My dream job, though, is to be a tugboat captain. (Ed. note: I love this idea, but engines scare me. Maybe I'll opt for rowboat captain.)
2. What's your biggest pet peeve?
Mean people. I just don't understand them. Do they need more hugs? A puppy? Someone to tell them that they matter and are important? I'm happy to help them out if they would just stop making other people miserable. (Right? Some of us are trying to have a society here.)
3. What's a book you think the Boredwalk community should read?
Since you asked, I wrote a trilogy that makes for a fun summer read. It's called the Merrow Trilogy. Here's an amazing summary by Barnes & Noble book blogger, Nicole Hill: "You know what's great about Rigney's horror-ific (that's horror-filled and terrific), hysterical debut novel? Besides the bloodthirsty merfolk, our antihero protagonist is an overweight, drunk, subpar mother, who also happens to be a funeral director. I can't even describe the premise of this book without getting giddy, because how many times does a plot involve both vicious mermaids and Rhode Island colonists?" (Bloodthirsty merfolk? I mean, I'm sold...)
4. What's the most useful piece of advice you've ever received?
There have been plenty of times where I've landed in situations and thought, how did I get here and what the hell am I going to do now? But, I've always looked around and made the best of things because my mom always told me, "Bloom where you're planted" and my dad said, "Don't ever let the bastards get you down."
5. If you could have any super power what would it be and why?
Shapeshifter, hands down. It would save me so much money on hair dye and makeup. (I think this is the first time anyone's responded with shapeshifter, but that's an excellent pick!)
6. You can curse your nemesis with a minor annoyance for eternity; what do you choose?
Mockingbirds at 3 AM for the rest of eternity. LOUD mockingbirds.
7. What experience do you most want to cross off your bucket list?
To live and paint in Italy. Every day I want to walk to a little village and just chat up some old, adorable, Italian men —preferably while drinking lots of local wine.
8. Where can the rest of the Boredwalk community find you?
I'm mostly on Instagram @mermaidslovesushi, but I also have a website: www.heatherrigney.com
LET'S GET WEIRD!
It's Wednesday! It's also July 29th! If that means it's also your birthday, congrats — you made it another revolution around the G-type main-sequence star we colloquially (and collectively) refer to as the Sun! Unless, of course, this is a disappointment to you, in which case I offer my condolences.
Speaking of birthdays...
• Happy birthday to cartoonist Hank Ketcham, born this day in 1920! Unfamiliar? Well, he's only responsible for THE original menace to society — a little slingshot-wielding blond nightmare named Dennis.
• Also due for a sepia-toned slice of cake? Documentarian Ken Burns, who was born this day in 1953! Whether you favor Baseball, The Civil War, Jazz, Country Music, or none of his epic PBS series, you have to admit that no one has done more with slow motion zoom-ins and cross-pans of vintage photography than the diminutive Brooklyn-born Red Sox fan.
*****
OK, enough of this cake talk — on to the links!
Is this the most original creative pursuit? No, but it's done well, and outside of the cave paintings at Chauvet and Lascaux in France what artist can truly say they're mining wholly original territory?
Sure, he's an adorable doggo with a sensitive streak, but the more urgent question (for me, anyway) is "WTF is duck tolling?"
*looks up duck tolling, finds answer, is still very confused from an etymological standpoint*
I know that still sounds like a bummer, but this is actually very cool and well worth the read!
4. Ever wondered what outer space and/or the Moon smell like? Back this Kickstarter and find out!
Unless I know the people behind the project personally I don't usually back Kickstarter/GoFundMe stuff, but this is still pretty interesting. If only I wore a fragrance! Alas, fabric soaks up scents, and I'm pretty sure none of our more sensitive-snooted customers want to receive shirts that smell like the Sea of Tranquility.
5. Penguins chasing bubbles is the best thing I've seen all week!
Don't get me wrong — with the exception of the human zoo Bon Scott sang about in AC/DC's 'If You Want Blood (You've Got It)', I'm no fan of zoos* in the abstract or concrete — but they are a thing that exists, so I at least want the critters therein to be entertained and/or enriched.
*If you or a loved one work at a zoo, please don't take umbrage. This sentiment is more about the exploitative for-profit ventures that aren't about conservation.
Boredwalk Community: "Crazy" Ideas Change the World
1. What's your actual day job and what's your dream day job?
I am currently a part-time instructor at a local university here teaching people all about the brain and its wonders and mysteries. In addition to that, in pre-pandemic times, I also worked as an actor in bit parts in TV & film, wrote scripts, and also helped solve small business' tech and software problems as a side hustle.
My dream day job is to make a living as an actor and neuroscientist who studies creativity in the brain. I know, they seem like opposites, but in my fully left brain/right brain integrated mind, they seem like completely complementary career choices. :D However, there were definitely moments where my dream job was to be a hot air balloonist and travel the world that way. Certainly seems the safer way to travel in these times!
2. What's your biggest pet peeve?
When people honk at you loudly from behind to drive faster or change a lane when all you are trying to do is be a safe driver! Come on, people, don't be rude. And also, people who misuse "you're" vs. "your." Argh, that annoys me. :D (Ed. note: I'm feeling all of these peeves.)
3. What's a book you think the Boredwalk community should read?
Ooh, this is a tough one because I want to recommend SO many books! I felt very inspired reading Michelle Obama's Becoming. It was wonderful to read and experience what grace and dignity look like through her words. I would
also like to recommend Lab Girl by Hope Jahren.
4. What's the most useful piece of advice you've ever received?
If someone tells you your ideas are crazy, thank them. Because it's "crazy" ideas that change the world. :D
5. If you could have any super power what would it be and why?
If someone wasn't feeling good about themselves, I wish I could just point at them and go "zap" and give them a huge boost of confidence. (Do you make house calls?)
6. You can curse your nemesis with a minor annoyance for eternity; what do you choose?
Life is hard enough, so I wouldn't curse them with anything. (That's awfully forgiving of you, Maria. I aspire to that level of magnanimity!)
7. Where can the rest of the Boredwalk community find you?
People can find me on Instagram @thespi_brain and also my personal website: www.thetravelingguitar.net
LET'S GET WEIRD!
It's Wednesday! I don't know why, but I've always liked Wednesdays. Maybe it's how they bisect the work week. Maybe it's the absurd spelling, full of silent and superfluous letters. All I know is that it's here for us, and I am here for it!
We also have a few birthdays to acknowledge, so let's stuff ourselves with some cake!
• Happy birthday to Gregor Johann Mendel, born this day in 1822! For students of a certain age, the Austrian botanist's name is synonymous with stamens & pistils.
• Next up, cut a slice for Margery Williams Bianco, born this day in 1881! Ms. Bianco gifted us with the children's literary classic The Velveteen Rabbit, which is pretty much THE definitive work about a kid navigating a challenging — even deadly — contagious illness (scarlet fever). And if you've never read it AND are a fan of Disney/Pixar's Toy Story franchise, you might notice some...similarities...between the respective plots.
• Hot on her heels is painter Edward Hopper, born this day in 1882! While Mr. Hopper is most famous for his stunning Nighthawks piece, he has many other impressive works in a variety of mediums. One of the interesting things about Hopper is that he didn't really achieve his artistic "breakthrough" until his 40s, and he didn't complete Nighthawks until he was 60! It's never too late...but you've gotta put in the work.
Alright, enough of my nonsense — on to the links!
Not really my cup of poutine (Quebecois puns FTW!), but I will gladly spin Songs of Love and Hate till the Expos come home.
2. The cat trees are really bearing some luscious fruit this season!
You know they're ripe when the tongues are hanging out.
3. Coffin-shaped floats? This is very on-brand for the summer of Covid.
I know, I know — I decreed back in April that the Wednesday emails would be a Covid-free zone, but I couldn't resist. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...
4. Speaking of cakes, check these spectacular sponges out!
I don't know how appetizing biting into a sugary slice of a Croc sandal is, but that aloe plant cake is rad!
I don't know about you, but I'm already at capacity in terms of all the various streaming content channels I can keep track of, but if anything is going to get me to sign up for a free trial of Quibi, it'd be this weird not-really-punk-rock-but-also-kinda-punk-rock art project.
Boredwalk Community: Thanks, Aunt Barb!
1. What's your actual day job and what's your dream day job?
So, I'm kinda, sorta, semi-retired. I have a few clients that I do organizing and paperwork for. I also pet sit on the side. I LOVE organizing. (Ed. note: Would you say that organizing "sparks joy"?)
2. What experience do you most want to cross off your bucket list?
Paris, Baby! Pretending I'm there while sitting at a French cafe only goes so far.
3. What's the most useful piece of advice you've ever received?
"Use a man's razor to shave your legs. You won't get as many nicks." Thanks, Aunt Barb!
4. If you drink: what's your go-to drink?
Before IBS - wine and cosmopolitans. After IBS - almost anything with gin...no more wine. 😞(Gin's pretty versatile, though! I've been enjoying blackberry brambles a lot the last couple weeks!)
5. Where can the rest of the Boredwalk community find you?
Yeah, I don't do the social media thing but if you see me driving Kitty Kia around Napa, give me a wave! 👋
Boredwalk Community: Punching Nazis
1. What's your actual day job and what's your dream day job?
My actual day job is working for the government, but my dream job would be to work in a yarn/fiber arts shop — a nice big one with places to sit and socialize. And while I'm dreaming let's say I own the shop, have an apartment above it, and it's in a walkable neighborhood. (Ed. note: If you're going to dream, may as well dream big!)
2. If you could have any superpower what would it be?
If I could have any superpower I think I'd like the Captain America set — really strong, agile, and quick. And then I could punch lots of Nazis, do security for women's shelters, probably be useful in search and rescue, also potentially good for statue removal...you know, useful things. (There are few things more patriotic than punching Nazis.)
3. What's your biggest pet peeve?
I have many pet peeves (it's not "The Serenity"! It's just "Serenity," dammit!) but possibly my biggest is when people drive slower than the flow of traffic in the passing lane.
4. Clear up a misconception (about your job, where you are from, some other topic you know a lot about).
A misconception I see fairly often is "Shakespeare wrote in Old English" or "The Canterbury Tales are in Old English." Shakespeare used Early Modern English, Chaucer used Middle English, and Old English is what Beowulf is in. A quick and dirty way to tell which of the three is which is that if you can mostly understand it it's probably Early Modern. If you can puzzle bits of it out here and there and it may or may not have some extra letters (like "ð" and "þ") it's probably Middle. If it has extra letters and is almost or entirely unintelligible to a present-day English speaker, that's your Old English, aka Anglo-Saxon. (We're all learning so much today!)
5. Where can the rest of the Boredwalk community find you?
I'm @Diversiply on Twitter, and BuenaSuerte on Ravelry.
Boredwalk Community: How to Be a Good President
1. What's your favorite school subject?
My favorite subject is science because I definitely want to learn about the Periodic Table of Elements. (Ed. note: That shirt is a fitting sartorial selection then, buddy!)
2. If you wrote a book what would it be about?
My book would be about how to be a good president and how every country needs equality and fairness. (I would read that book AND buy a copy for everyone I know!)
3. If you could have any superpower what would it be?
I would want to have invisibility so people wouldn't know where I am. (Can't knock that dream one bit!)
4. What is your favorite animal?
The kitten because it's just so adorable and cute I just can't resist it! (Agreed!)
5. If you could give $100 to charity what would it be?
St. Jude's Hospital since it's a hospital for children. (A worthy cause — well chosen!)
Boredwalk Community: Aliens in Egypt
1. What's your actual day job and what's your dream day job?
My day job is I teach math and science to 6th graders. My dream job would be to be a writer. But I never seem to finish what I start! (Ed. note: I feel this. My sketch pads and hard drives are veritable graveyards of incomplete designs. *sigh*)
2. If you could have any super power what would it be and why?
I think teleportation would be pretty epic. You could go anywhere you wanted. I would travel every damn where. (This would come in especially handy during Covid-pocalypse.)
3. You can curse your nemesis with a minor annoyance for eternity; what do you choose?
I’m not a terribly vindictive person but a low grade headache would be a bitch for sure.
4. What experience do you most want to cross off your bucket list?
Seeing the pyramids in Egypt. What an amazing feat those aliens accomplished.
5. Clear up a misconception (about your job, where you are from, some other topic you know a lot about).
I think there is this idea that teachers (elementary school teachers especially) should be role models in both their public and private life. Who I am to my kids is entirely different than who I am at home or with my friends. If I wanna dress sexy I should be allowed to do so without fear that I’ll get fired because my friend with public social media posted a drunk picture of me. Teachers are just people. We mess up just like everyone else and often get fired because of it (because think of the children!) Listen, your kid watches Deadpool. Me showing some cleavage isn’t that big of a deal. Chill.
6. Where can the rest of the Boredwalk community find you?
I’m @rouge_nerd on Instagram. I keep my profile private because well, think of the children! 🤣
Boredwalk Community: Swearing & Tattoos
1. What's your actual day job and what's your dream day job?
I work in construction, which answers both questions! More on that below...
2. Clear up a misconception (about your job, where you are from, some other topic you know a lot about).
Construction has a lot of misconceptions, most of which are not true (for one thing, it actually pays very well).
Every construction site brings new, interesting challenges. When a project is finished, you can look back and see that you built something new, something that didn’t exist before,
something that will be there, in many cases, for generations to come. You get to build the stuff people depend on.
Also, there are not too many other industries where I can swear as much as I want and have tattoos. (Ed. note: Same here at Boredwalk! We always have to ask during interviews if applicants are at all uncomfortable with salty language...because there's a lot of it flying around the office & warehouse.)
3. What's a surprising fact about you?
Every day, I continue to be grateful and surprised by the fact that I was able to escape a life of poverty (I grew up on a struggling dairy farm in northern rural Minnesota). The fact that I am now living the life I have feels like I won the lotto. (This is awesome, and a wonderful reminder for us all to keep striving!)
4. Where can the rest of the Boredwalk community find you?
Not really a public person. But you can find the company I work for here:
https://www.linkedin.com/company/saybr-contractors-inc/